My husband and I have been together for over 12 years, married for 7. We've dated since HS. Two years ago or more I discovered he was having an affair with my best friend. He began drinking heavily and went through round one of treatment only to please me and his parents. Eventually the she/my best friend ended the affair with him. He drank even more. We were separated for about a year. We have a 2.5 year old son. His drinking/depression/sucidial thoughts hit an all time low in January. He completed a 60-day in patient treatment and graduated in March. He came home on his own free will to me and our son. Things were feeling as though they were improving. We were laughing again, having fun felt like we were reconnecting. Even though I knew deep down he wasn't over her. As of late he's become distant, shut down. He was laid off about a month ago.......and he is saying things like why do you love me? What do you want out of life?
Within the last day or so he's said I am a happy person I'm just not happy with us. He doesn't seem real willing to do counseling as he thinks we've already tried that I told him that I was tired of him blaming me for his unhappiness. Whether he is with me or someone else the same problems will pop up if he doesn't work on himself. I have found pictures of my ex-best friend (the other woman) scattered throughout. He has her senior picture still in his wallet. None of anyone else, like his wife or child but her. I found one in his truck of her. In his photo album of her. In my mind, clearly NOT over her. I think he will always love her. As his wife that’s very hard. She was my best friend for over a decade!
Friday he said he wanted to be done, said he would not do counseling. Said things like: you will find someone and thank me. Be happier. Do you think I want to sit in an apartment by myself staring at a TV? I am a happy person.
I told him I wanted to be left alone. (That was Friday). Saturday he text me 21 times saying: how are you doing, talk to me, talk to me, maybe we can spend some time with Jack (our son), talk to me please, I can't live like this, tell me what you want, I'll go to counseling.
Now he is willing to watch the Love & Respect video, and we’re doing counseling this afternoon but …I feel as though he needs his own counseling. He’s got lots to work through within himself. It’s hard to hear him say he is happy, a happy person. Want to believe that but it seems hard to believe. What does anyone else think? Please help!
