Hope and heartache

[Lucky11too]

Sounds like you are really starting to detach from W, which is a good thing for your own sake. Obviously the feelings of sadness of seeing other happy families is normal...I go thru that all the time (or sometimes even the anger of "how come I don't have that? How come they're so lucky?")

It's hard to know what W is thinking and I know you say you do not see any "love or affection in W's face" when she sees you, but as you said before, she still trusts you and has turned to you in different situations, so at least you have those building blocks...so in other words, you don't have "nothing" to start with. Just continue to try to evaluate the things she saw lacking in you and your M, and if appropriate and building of your own character, become that man. And even if things don't come around with W, you'll still be better for it.

Just one word of warning, it sounds like you are really becoming interested in the other interest. It seems to me that it would be best to not get involved with someone right now, but it seems like you might be on track to make it something more. Everyone needs friends, but I would try to keep it just at that level (but I think that it's just difficult when you have that attraction there). Just a thought. You just got to think about what you are willing to do and sacrifice for W.

A C sounds like a great idea, especially since your work pays for the first 3 sessions. I wish I could do that to help me deal with this as well. It's tough!

[ClingingToHope]

Happy Thanksgiving week to everyone.

[ClingingToHope]

This from Norm14

Here’s my take:

When the WAS walks out, he/she is like an old stream locomotive. There’s big, hot fire in the firebox and a big head of steam. And off they go. They’re shoveling coal on the fire fast and furious.

But as time passes, they start to weary of shoveling coal on the fire. They lose momentum, the train slows down, and they start thinking about why they were shoveling coal in the first place. It’s not so glamorous anymore. Life without you isn’t what they thought it would be.

I think that’s what happened. When I let her go, when I stopped pursuing, and enough time passed, she started to soften.

Good story to keep us all focused.

[ClingingToHope]

Just got back from D10's school performance. She handled just being in the chorus fairly well. I picked her up and drove her there. D10 and I got something to eat and she talked about seeing the school counselor last week. She told the counselor her parents were split up and now they seem happier.

I told her that I would still be happier if her mother and I were back together and I'm trying to improve myself so if she gives me another chance we won't be unhappy again.

At the school, I grabbed a seat in the third row and did not save a seat for W. When she got there she sat in the bleachers with her mom and D7.

D10 could see me right up front and we kept eye contact throughout.

After W and I were together with her mom for a few minutes. It wasn't that awkward. Everyone was all smiles.

I took D10 to a restaurant where all the kids were meeting after. She ate, had fun and we went back to her mom's -- my old house -- and W wasn't home yet. So I hung out until she got home and as I said good night to the girls, she handed me the dates she is working late and early this month.

Then I left.

It felt good to hear D10 say I was always happy. It was about a month ago she said I was sad all the time. That's progress. Yesterday, W glared a hole through me when I dropped D7 off. Tonight, it was all smiles.

Another difference. Two, three months ago I would have hung a lot of hope on the fact the night went so well. Now, I feel there's so much water under the bridge I don't see how we'd actually every get back together.

Last thing, another long post so I'm not sure people will pick up on this, but I was over at the house tonight twice. I was there all last week so I look around. I've found no paper work, no phone numbers, no documents on the computer or web sites in the history on divorce or divorce attorneys. For the snoopers out there, is there something I'm missing?

[ClingingToHope]

I was going through my email and it was Nov. 2 when W sent an email asking for a list of lawyers that do collaborative divorce. That's just three weeks ago. That's not much time -- and she's had some Wednesday night appointments -- so maybe I'm being too optimistic that the D train is slowing.

[Lucky11too]

...so maybe I'm being too optimistic that the D train is slowing.

But on the other hand, don't be so pestimistic either =P

Sounds like you really handled interactions with W well tonight. Cool and comfortable, but not cold. Glad D10 show went well! =)

(Also, not a master snooper either, but it sounds like you covered all your bases. Take it for what it is.)

[ClingingToHope]

Seeing an IC today. The days I have confidence that if I follow the rules and be patient I'll get another chance I feel great. The days when I feel like there's no hope for the M despair rolls in and I crumble.

I want to talk about why I'm so scared of the future.

[awest1217]

Glad things are starting to get easier for you. They are still hard, but it seems DBing is starting to just be a part of who you are. My only point of concern is this point of interest. I know you are not thinking of doing anything, but be careful with the whole "maybe she will be jealous" for some girls that may work, but not all. You need to be careful that she doesn't think you have another person so she just gives up too. It is a tough line to walk so just tread carefully.

[ClingingToHope]

Awest. I'm confused in general about what I want short-term and that's something I want to talk to the counselor about. I just seem to be one of those people that "needs" someone in their life. I think that's a bad thing because I'm afraid I'll rush into something if things continue on the D path with W.

I'm wondering if a C can help me with that. At the least, it'll be someone to talk things through with before Thanksgiving, Christmas and then in January -- which will be tough -- have to renew my lease. Was hoping only for a six-month stay.

[Steve McQueen]

For the snoopers out there, is there something I'm missing?

I think you are missing out on the secret meaning behind this:

"Well my ex-coworker friend said that relationship is on the outs and she doesn't want me going any further until things with W are settled."