First time poster feeling a bit lost

[MT21]

You need to stop breaking down my friend:- Agree, but I am not a robot either, it hurts like hell.

So heres what I did today.

Saw a Doctor about some of my habits, smoking...Got some pills and made a commitment to stop...D-Day next Tuesday.
Talked about the drinking a bottle of red a day..Now behind me and I am coping really well nearly two weeks...Its not an issue for me.
Got an appointment for myself with a bearevement councillor.
Ordered some carpet and paint for MY bedroom.
Booked next week of work for myself.

I was going to book an appointment with relationship councillor for us, which she agreed upon. (To figure things out, not necessarily to get back together:- Her words)
I decided not to, lets give her some space and let her make the decision by herself.

I have parents evening tonight she asked me to call after to let her know the news, (shes on business trip) I'll wait for her to call me.

So, as difficult as this maybe I am committed to myself.

There is a place in my life for my wife, but I do not need her in order to live.
I can only concentrate on the things within my control, clearly she is not.

One question: why do I need to know if there is OP? Surely that will make me feel worse..I'd rather not know.

Marital bed, house etc... still here no intention of moving.

Finance, still have joint account, if this situation changes then I will be forced to move.

Lets my find myself again. Maybe she will also...but her choice.

MT