I'm new wondering if this works...

[Bridgestone]

((((H4L))))

What am I afraid of? Well immediately, anyone who follows my sitch knows I am afraid of H's anger and emotional abuse. That is foremost something I spend way to much time shivering in my boots over and trying to avoid by "being good enough" and yes, I know this is unhealthy.

I can understand this very much. That is a reasonable thing to feel & be wary of, but chose a different action rather than shivering in your boots & trying 'being good enough' to control his abuse is not healthy. And I know that is easy to say to others

Tell the little girl inside Hope4Luv that she is good enough to be loved by the adult Hope4Luv.

Secondly, I'm afraid of not being able to support myself with a little one (I've always been an at home mom) and losing my house.

Again, understandable.... what could you do if you believed you can handle it?

Thirdly, I'm afraid of the damage growing up in two homes will do my son.

Have you read about the damage inflicted on children who grow up in an abusive home seeing their mother disrespected by their father through emotional & verbal abuse? Think of the role model your son would then carry into his adult life & marriage? Think of your grandchildren & the possibility of that future damage.

Do I fear being lonely forever? Sure. Not because I wont meet anyone, but becaUse I have a long history of meeting these angry cold abusive guys. Almost exclusively. I fear spending my remaining days with more of an abuisve a$$hole!

It's hard to be lonely if you love being with yourself.

Having left an abusive a$$hole... I'll take the lonliness anyday to the walking on eggshells & constant worry, control & manipulation of 'life"... making sure he was 'happy' so he didn't blow up.

It gets better, I promise.. It's ok to feel your fears.. they are reasonable. I hope you can make choices from hopes, not fears though.

Peace
Bridge