I wondered whether my doing this yesterday was one of the triggers for her anger (she has periodically referred to why I couldn't have made these changes before)
Yes she will be angry at you for suddenly jumping on the things that she wanted so despartly in years past and you just let it slide. She is emotionally done with the M and has no desire, interest, or energy left to give to it. She feels all used up in that department b/c of the years she had to do it without you.
That is one reason you must do things for you and the kids and not to make her happy. You can't make her happy and when you fix your mind on that fact, you'll be better. It's too late to try to make her happy, okay? Make you a list of goals about what kind of dad you want to be for your kids, and what kind of man you want to be at home, work, and with others. Start today in becoming better. You can't reach goals over-night, but you can start today working to get there.
Stop be available to your wife. I know that sounds opposite of what you think you need to be doing, but you have to be unavailable in order to have any chance of her ever being attracted to you again. She doesn't want you now and the more you try to be around her, the more she will feel that you are sucking up her air. I realize this is blunt but I'm telling you like it is. She doesn't feel in-love with you so don't purue her trying to make her feel that in-love emotion....it doesn't work that way. Almost everything a LBH does is seen a pursuing to the WAW. That is why you have to detach from her and focus on you & kids. Be polite and casual to her as if she were your secretary or somebody you'd meet shopping in the store. Keep it like a professional R. Sure it will be hard, but if you want to get this on the right track....that is where you begin.
Holidays are going to be tough, so gear up. You will have to find your private places & times to let out your emotions b/c you do not need to do it in front of her or the kids. Come here to vent and seek support but not from friends & family. If you reconcile, then that could be a sore spot with your W (that you discussed R with friends/family).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
