#67 Cant find my "pieces"

[AliSuddenly]

Hey, well done for trying !!! God can I ever picture you sat there at that kitchen table feeling resentful, rejected and angry. I dont blame you. And him snoozing in that big bed.

If it helps at all (!?).. I slept with bf in those early days on the very sheets, mattress and pillows that Helen had laid her head as early as 2 weeks previously (good god I hope he had washed the sheets!...) and a large part of my head thought of him and that bed as 'soiled', dirty. And he was. But I knew I had no choice. I had to get on with it, as it was a huge part of healing the rift, the R and being a couple again. And also, exorcising the ghost of her. And yes it was a little awkward, but it worked!

I noticed that he was a little different at first with me (something he said once midway through made my blood run cold, as it was something he had obviously said to her!!! But he was soon his old self). But.. its just s*x. I had s*x with my previous bf's. He had s*x with an equal number of woman. None of that mattered the day we first slept together back in 1999, so I CHOSE to view it the same way.

As for him not wanting to have sex with you though.. I have no idea. Can yuo ask him, in a gentle, non pressurising, non critiscising way why he isnt ready to ML???? Dont be fobbed off. Make time to sit down quietly and talk about this crucial issue?

You keep viewing it that he doesnt fancy YOU, but could HE feel dirty? Soiled? Not able to do it yet until the memories fade for him too? I know my bf had huge problems ML after the initial 6 week excitement and euphoria wore off.. he could barely do it at all because of GUILT for months until...well the past week !!

Yuo obviously still love him and want him to be there, as do your kids?

xxx