Some do come back

[Astimegoeson]

For those of you that remember me, hello! For those of you that don't, I will give you a very brief background.

I left our home 4 years ago this Christmas. I left after a year of trying to win back my W. I continued while we were separated for another year or so. I don't know if it was MLC, WAW, or a combination of both. It's not really important now. She did have an emotional affair and concealed it from me for at least a year before I discovered it. It was emotional because her OM was in prison for 2 ND degree murder. He killed a man in a heated argument. He was a fiancee of hers from her mid 20's. I am now 48, she is 47. She was expecting him to be paroled, but he has been denied twice since then. His next parole hearing is next May. Our D was final last year. I don't know for sure, but I have the suspicion she is no longer visiting, writing, or speaking to him over the phone. I can tell this through her behavior and demeanor. I'm not sure what changed between them, but I'm sure she has lost interest.

For about the last 3 to 4 months, she has been hinting about reconciliation. She's invited me to Dinner several times, to watch movies at her place, to her Family events (which is really a awkward), and has choose to be with me and my Son when I have him. This is a huge departure from her normal behavior. She always took advantage of her free time to go out with her younger friends. She calls out of the blue to hang out with us. She has even requested to spend the night at my Apartment on several occasions which I obliged. There has been no sexual contact between us. I believe that's because of my preference more so than hers. She has given me more than just subtle hints that she would be receptive If I initiated it. I enjoy her company, but I do not lead her on in a manner that would suggest a romantic interest.

The problem is no longer her behavior, but the person I have grown into over the past 4 years of being alone. I never thought it would happen, but I do not find her emotionally or physically attractive any longer. I can't bring myself to open up to her other than on a casual friendship basis. My interest has drifted away from her. I do wish her happiness in whatever she dose, but I've moved on. I am not the same person she left. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I know her roll is very limited in it.

I think I felt a need to say this because I know there are people on here looking for hope. I want you to know, you most definitely have a chance in the long run, but the hard work is you staying faithful and true, not your Ex. I could not do this, but I know some of you can. I hope I could give you some encouragement if this is your goal.