Hey Forrest!! Hi, what are you up to? Check your mail. I cant watch youtube here. Will have to wait till I get home.
"I hate him for what he has done"... Yeah, that thought comes often to my mind.
"Show him the love you have for him.. even though he does not deserve it" How SAD is it to feel your spouse doesnt deserve your love... Big ISSUE for me. He doesnt deserve it. And I CANT show it to someone that does 1000%.
How do you judge what is love?
Last night he came over again. He wanted to. He asked me to let the kids go to him in the morning and not worry about waking him up. I woke up when he came in (had to let him in). Came to bed and snuggled. I couldnt sleep. I made a couple of VERY clear moves that meant "I want to TRY to make love with you -since I have to confess making love to him feels...dirty, like HE is dirty -GOD I need therapy!!". (None of those involved bjs or anything similar). He waved and smiled =ignored and snuggled tenderly.
I couldnt sleep and listening how he was calm and sleeping I got up and went to the kitchen. Sat there on a chair (ali, the one by the fridge) and started thinking which way to get out of there... He realised I was gone and called me twice to see where I was. I didnt want to make a scene or cause discussions, or drama so I just said I was getting some water. I went to bed and fell asleep a few hours later.
This morning my D got up singing. So cute and sweet. Set the mood for me and S. When I told them to check in my bedroom they started jumping up and down of joy because "their daddy was there". On the way to school my D asked me if people can get remarried and if I would remarry her dad. A mess.
H called later, happy as a clam (correct?)and we exchanged polite nothings. K
I read somewhere that ambiguity can become a chronic problem. I think I am there.
