K4D Rising #4

[25yearsmlc]

did your brother in law say anything about Detachment or DBing? Better take another poll and see where the wind is blowing to decide what to do...come on...last week it was filing...before that it was dating...before that it was standing...and that was in the past 3 weeks...maybe 4?
You cannot commit to a decision...it's as if you think this is a small idiosyncrasy, and I'm not bashing you; I"m telling you that you have some real stuff to work on before you can be an adult, let alone a man your w is going to want to be with... I remember many things you have said that were so striking to me, but you kind of passed them off as tiny asides....

You said you have "always been depressed but for some of the time your m, and then you got depressed IN the m and started drinking and"... ya da ya da....none of that is being addressed so of course you think you need your w to be happy b/c you cannot recall ever being happy except part of the time with her. Don't you see, that THAT is not normal or healthy? And If your wife died, with your view of happiness only with her, you'd be sad and down the rest of your life. And if that is not true, then figure out why. Is it that her death would be easier for you b/c a divorce is more of a rejection? If so, then we're talking about ego and self esteem, not HER and how she's the ONLY ONE who can "make" you happy.. Work on that...please

You said that you "don't know how to be a man" or to "man up" and that you preferred for your w to make all the choices in the home and finances and socially....see, to me, that's startling. Yeah, you actually said that. And To you, maybe it's nothing. But if you realized how that sounds to 90% of women, you'd have done something about it...I assume. And here's the thing that just occurred to me...
You don't really read and reflect on long posts or the many thoughtful ones here, MAYBE partly because you can barely keep up with the new posts...so maybe we need to back off and let you truly read the many things people have given to you with their time, thoughts, prayers, the experiences they've shared with you==many of which were deeply personal and painful...and often you never commented on them. You didn't seem to "get it" when someone made a point that others found blindingly obvious. Or maybe you had to process it more but then someone else posted and you never got back to it....or maybe we just didn't see much of any change...

Point is, you do get the number of posts here that 4 men might get, and still, even after a year, you cycle through the same old stuff every month. If you take some time off journalling here for advice on each conversation with your wife and thoughtfully read old posts, maybe you can read your own and realize that you repeat your words and behaviors quite a bit. Maybe you will have an insight and maybe it's lead you to action on your own. Look at the advice you do take in the big picture..if it requires little to no actual movement, you'll nearly always choose that route, and your second choice is to pursue. I now wonder if the more you get posts here, the less likely you are to carefully read what you have been given...and therefore so much wisdom from CG, Stuck, Strong, Ppenton and many many others...goes wasted. [/b]Why not try to back off a bit and take in what we have all said?
How much time do you spend on THIS site? Maybe that's a problem too. Get out in the real world and do stuff NOT related to getting your wife back...
(Wasn't another complaint your w had too much time on the computer?)
This isn't a punishment; it's a suggestion to you..what if you let go of us and this site (and your w!) [i]for awhile and read what was written to you and by you all those months ago, and recently...and then read thru the stages and see how you recycle thru them...inching forward. REFLECT & PRAY...Face it all and maybe you'll find that it's time you take a leap forward
j-