Enjoy this time with your daughter while you can- when she's at this age, she loves having Dad there. When she gets to high school, it may be another story entirely! "Dad, do you really have to be there? You don't have to come if you don't want to..."
I have not been around much this past week or so, limiting my posts, but I have been contemplating looking at asking for Joint physical custody of my d8.
From any guys on here, is this even an option? My work is flexible enough where I could work from home one day a week, and be late, etc on another day or so to drop off d8 at STBXW or school so I could expand through the weekend into a couple days a week with d8.
I would be able to spend more time with d8, and as and added bonus, I believe I would be afforded better financial protection if I do, and better able to be financially viable to support d8 when I have her.
I'd like some of your thoughts on this, and why I WOULDN'T want to pursue this. It's not about being vindictive to my STBXW either, as I fully expect to have to pay something to her, even if we have joint physical custody, but about the best me that I can make for d8.
My state of MA seems to indicated in the laws (And I'll have to discuss with L) that they would consider joint physical custody as an option, without bias to one or the other spouse.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I didn't really consider it an option, for a couple of reasons.
I felt I would be taking her away from her mother, and I will always give credit to her for being a good mom. I realize now that this is probably not a valid reason. Why should I be considered any less important to my d8 than my STBXW is?
I felt that as the man, I would never have the chance for even joint physical custody, and would be the non-custodial parent.
Those don't really seem like valid reasons to me, looking at things now, so why I am thinking about it.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I realize now that this is probably not a valid reason. Why should I be considered any less important to my d8 than my STBXW is?
I felt that as the man, I would never have the chance for even joint physical custody, and would be the non-custodial parent.
You are just as important as her Mom, and nowadays it is not an automatic given that the mother gets to be the custodial parent. But you have to make that demand, and follow through with it.
I didn't really consider it an option, for a couple of reasons.
I felt I would be taking her away from her mother, and I will always give credit to her for being a good mom. I realize now that this is probably not a valid reason. Why should I be considered any less important to my d8 than my STBXW is?
I felt that as the man, I would never have the chance for even joint physical custody, and would be the non-custodial parent.
Those don't really seem like valid reasons to me, looking at things now, so why I am thinking about it.
IWITW,
You and I have discussed this before and frankly I'm glad to see you reconsidering your earlier position on custody of D8. As you know, I was successfully awarded 50% custody of my kids here in California. I initially had some of the same thoughts you did but after a short while came to the same conclusions you may now be coming to.
I'd be happy to offer you whatever feedback and advice you'd like if you are seriously considering pursuing 50% joint physical custody of D8. My first piece of advice: avoid mentioning money/finances in connection with custody of D8. Seeking joint custody of D8 can never be about money or financial advantage. Banish the financial impact of joint custody of D8 completely from your thought process. Every move you make must be in the best interest of D8- this is as morally imperative as it is strategically imperative.
Again, don't accept the status quo. Decide what is best for D8 and yourself, work towards that and go down fighting if you have to.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
It might be a good idea to consider putting those investment properties up for sale. If you begin to fall behind on the payments, consider a short sale. It will affect your credit to a lesser extent than a foreclosure.
By all means, first do what you can to get the amount you are paying to your spouse reduced through the courts but it sounds like you're in between a rock and a hard place financially. I know it sucks. We're going through the same thing with our rental properties. More than 20 years of A1 credit down the chute within the span of 6 months.
Remember, though it may take some time, we will pull ourselves out of the bad credit situation by rebuilding it.
picked up d8 today for the long holiday weekend, STBXW was all packed and headed to NYC to party for the weekend, new boobs on active display.... (I know, I am projecting here, I don't know what she has planned for this weekend, and can't know. I just know it's first major holiday separated..)
I must say the thoughts in my head are annoying. I am actively hoping she is miserable without us during the holiday. How's that for resentment/anger??? Anyone want to beat that today???
*sigh* It is what it is, I understand some of where it's coming from, and hope to focus on getting some work done, then making a pie with d8 this afternoon.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I must say the thoughts in my head are annoying. I am actively hoping she is miserable without us during the holiday. How's that for resentment/anger??? Anyone want to beat that today???
You are fighting a losing battle here. And truth is, you're really just fighting with yourself.
I understand the emotions, and, yes, they're normal. But, they are destructive...for you.
As hard as it might be, put your focus on you and D. Do something different with her. Some new tradition for just you and her.
You are fighting a losing battle here. And truth is, you're really just fighting with yourself.
Yep, true enough, and I know it, that's why I stated I understood it. Helps to try and refocus to put it down on paper, or talk to someone about it, work through the emotion, accept it, and then you can move on.
Quote:
Some new tradition for just you and her.
Doing that tonight! Her and I are going to assemble a pie to bring to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Something we have not done before.
I expect a complete disaster in the kitchen, and maybe a marginally edible pie.
but we should have a good time putting it together!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Her and I are going to assemble a pie to bring to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Something we have not done before. 
