So I have made a choice. I am going to go over to my friends house tomorrow ( previous two posts ) and I am going to hand him my journal and the link to this thread. I will sit there while he reads both. Answer any questions. I will take that awkward 2 hours over losing a good friendship that I want to continue. And if that does not help him. Then I will see what else I can do to make him comfortable again around me and when I am around his soon to be wife. I really wanted to keep this online stuff personal and away from people I see weekly. And I never thought anyone would ever read my journal. But its a friendship that is worth it. One that I want to keep going throughout my days. They are both very good friends who have been around for many years.
I think this will be awkward for him as well since he is not normally a very open person. He has many traits that my WAS had. They were good friends and this break up has strained their relationship. His soon to be wife asked WAS to be her maid of honour. So I do not know what can of worms this will open up. If any.
I really feel stuck here. But I really want to do what ever it takes to keep a friendship going. Those folks have really helped me so much over the last few months. I tossed a life line and they helped more than they will ever know.
Well tomorrow night one of them will find out how much they helped.
Seems kind of drastic, cutter. You sure? Could you reassure him about your last talk? Tell him
Originally Posted By: cutterbug
I really feel stuck here. But I really want to do what ever it takes to keep a friendship going.
If you're determined this is your only viable route, I would suggest you offer him your paper journal first. He may decline the offer as not necessary - especially since "he is not normally a very open person,". He may accept, start to read and then stop reading something he thinks is unnecessarily soul-baring on your part. Once he has the link, he has everything, his fiance may as well and, therefore, possibly your wife and who knows who else. imho Either way. Good luck to you.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Sorry Cutter, I would advise against this. My reason being that you will never know what will happen in the future with this friendship. (Just like you would never have predicted what would have happened in your marriage)
Another reason I do not think this is wise is because of the past relationship of these two people with your WAW. All it takes is ONE misunderstanding in the future. They would get upset with you for whatever reason and EVERYTHING comes out (and the wrong way.)
Please trust me on this. If this man does not take you at your word as a man right now, what kind of friend is he? You do not need to prove your friendship by revealing your deepest, most sensitive thoughts. This all comes down to a matter of trust.
For your own protection I implore you, find another way.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Sorry Cutter, I would advise against this. My reason being that you will never know what will happen in the future with this friendship. (Just like you would never have predicted what would have happened in your marriage)
Please trust me on this. If this man does not take you at your word as a man right now, what kind of friend is he? You do not need to prove your friendship by revealing your deepest, most sensitive thoughts. This all comes down to a matter of trust.
Also good points to consider.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Well I went over there. Went to have the conversation and we talked music. Then his fiance came home from a trip and decided to join us on the pint and conversation. So it never happened. So I am going to let it drop for now and if my friend brings it up. I will talk.
Well I went over there. Went to have the conversation and we talked music.
Good. How was the temperature? i.e. How did he seem to you?
Quote:
So I am going to let it drop for now and if my friend brings it up. I will talk
Also good.
If you want to keep this friendship going make sure to never be left alone with her for any extended period of time. Do not get into any long discussions with her without him being around. If she ever pulls you aside to talk privately gently inform her that you are not comfortable with it and pull him into the conversation ASAP.
Under no circumstances are you to be alone with her. If she comes to visit you, gently let her know that you're not comfortable being alone with her. Tell her that if the tables were reversed this is something you would not like your W to be doing. Use one of those famous WAS cliches, "It's not you, it's me."
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
