Turning Arrows Into Flowers

[Concerned_Listener]

Matilda and Jak,
I think she's worried that I won't keep up with her, or that I'll be a party pooper in the evenings. We went to listen to one of her friends sing in a R & B band. R & B isn't my favorite music to dance to (mainly swing), so I got restless after a few hours, while she was getting warmed-up. She generalized that I will want to shut-down every night on our trip based on this. I generally stay away from R & B venues with my W, but had made an exception this time. I need to stick with my policy, to avoid future problems.

She joined me at my new dance studio for a Samba group class. Our learning styles are different. She's a quick study, and I learn incrementally. She didn't want to be my practice partner in class. This gave her an opportunity to practice with the teacher. I didn't pout and gave her the space she requested. I continued to film the class, and partnered with another lady in the class. She told me that she prefers to practice with me at home, and would prefer to partner with the teacher or a more advanced student in class, rather than follow me when I don't yet have the lead.

She signed up for private lessons. She again requested that it be her time, and asked if I would tape the sessions. I initially was upset with the idea, but after thinking about it, decided that if she wants private classes, than I will give her the space. I will benefit eventually from whatever she learns. I would prefer that she speak up, rather than tolerate something that isn't working for her.

She thanked me for inviting her to accompany me to the studio. I try to not set expectations too high for the dance partnership. I am grateful for whatever she offers. Being able to be students at the same studio and/or venue is progress. The dance partnership will work itself out, with honest communication, and flexibility.

CL