I've been thinking of you and all that your daughter has just been through - many hugs. Must be very sad and surreal for her.
I can't watch any of those shows, myself. Makes my skin crawl. I recently went to see Robin Williams (VERY funny, incredibly smart man)...my friend looked up his bio the next day, and I was sad to see that he had left his first wife of 16 years for his kids' nanny (they recently got divorced, too). It changes the way I view people.
Gyps, last time I checked, televison and movies are supposed to be entertainment...a diversion. It is more than understandable to "walk" if you are not being entertained. The same can be said about music. In the past, I have changed radio stations when a song came on that made me feel a way that I did not want to feel. That has not happened for a while....of course I tend to listen to alot of sportstalk radio and they don't play music.
Donna, I also tend to judge people who leave their spouses. I guess we are scarred a little and have lost our ability to stay neutral or unbiased when it comes to marriages.
Help, please. My thread 11/22 @11:45 p.m. Item 2) I don't think there's anything more I can - or should - for now. Question then becomes how long is "for now?"
Thoughts?
Thanks.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
My daughter went to the wake of her friend this evening. Although I volunteered to drive her and her friends she opted to go with the friends in another car. The theater group she's involved with were all there en masse to mourn the loss of their vivacious friend. It was probably the best group to be with, they're so close and caring.
She and some friends went from the wake to rehearsal for an upcoming show. When she came home she said how out of it she was. I'm watching and listening to her since she says she can't seem to get it out of her mind. Friends offer to tell her the gory details but she declines. She doesn't want to make it worse.
While she was gone I just felt that terror, sadness within. Actually accepting that this girl and her boyfriend who were so full of life are now mangled dead bodies in closed caskets. Where was the hand of fate that saved me from my stupidity when it came to them?
Prayers, cares, love and notes to the families.
For the first time in my life I truly understand the threat where parents vow to kill their kids if they do something stupid that makes them die. Worst case, it's an adrenaline boost for them in times of emergency.
A few years ago, a neighbor (not that neighbor!) lost their son shortly after he graduated from high school. He was driving a car with his friend way too fast; it hit a tree and both boys died. It tore the family apart. The mother crawled into a bottle to the point that she was hospitalized for more than a year. They have since divorced. No, children are not meant to die before parents...
When I first started counseling a few months after he left she focused on the basics.
If it hurt to see him, talk on the phone. If talking on the phone was too difficult, use email. If email sent me over the edge, read it, close it. Look at it later. Wait 24 to 48 hours before responding. I would read the email to my brother to understand what it meant because I was such an emotional wreck (and recovering from a significant head injury).
If it feels absolutely right, do it. If it feels wrong, don't. If you can't decide or keep waffling, don't.
When I couldn't get a thought out of my mind, was obsessing realize it for what it was.. anxiety.. who's gift is to take the smallest twinge of fear and exponentially explode it. Stop what I was doing, move, get out of my head to break the cycle.
Express it all.. the anger and emotions.. first through writing, then through drawing (at times scribbling the paper to shreds), singing.. exercise, constructive destruction (my own coping mechanism consisting of whacking away bushes, small trees, heave ho-ing clutter, etc in time of crisis to help focus and vent).
Over time through reading and learning I found..
The reality is never as bad as what I fear.
Implemented The Four Agreements as a guidepost in life.
Be Impeccable With Your Words Don't Take Anything Personally Don't Make Assumptions Always Do Your Best
When anger surges, send blessings to the one I'm annoyed at.
Immediately forgive another for what sets me off, since it's coming from within me.
Try to do what I fear most first, the rest is easy.
Be healthy in mind, body and spirit. The rest will follow. (Still working on that).
Attempt what I always dreamed but was too fearful to try. Can't be any worse than not doing it.
Reach out to others.
Ask for help.
Sit on my hands and let others figure it out... i.e., hush my compulsion to have all the answers and fix things.
Realize that what I write here inadvertently are messages often meant for my own well being. I guess, what I write is what I need to hear, too.
My nineteen year old son will come home from college but spend most of his time at his girlfriend's house, even spending the night because they have an extra room.
Last night I sent him a text of all sorts of welcoming stuff and mentioned that there would be homemade chocolate chocolate chip cookies on the counter for him when he came home. He appeared and we chatted for a bit in the wee hours of the night. After they watched their movie at her house she asked if he was going to stay there. He admitted to me that the thought of the cookies made him want to come home.
Aha... now I have a clue on how to spend more time with him. Yay!
