Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Just got back from D10's school performance. She handled just being in the chorus fairly well. I picked her up and drove her there. D10 and I got something to eat and she talked about seeing the school counselor last week. She told the counselor her parents were split up and now they seem happier.

I told her that I would still be happier if her mother and I were back together and I'm trying to improve myself so if she gives me another chance we won't be unhappy again.

At the school, I grabbed a seat in the third row and did not save a seat for W. When she got there she sat in the bleachers with her mom and D7.

D10 could see me right up front and we kept eye contact throughout.

After W and I were together with her mom for a few minutes. It wasn't that awkward. Everyone was all smiles.

I took D10 to a restaurant where all the kids were meeting after. She ate, had fun and we went back to her mom's -- my old house -- and W wasn't home yet. So I hung out until she got home and as I said good night to the girls, she handed me the dates she is working late and early this month.

Then I left.

It felt good to hear D10 say I was always happy. It was about a month ago she said I was sad all the time. That's progress. Yesterday, W glared a hole through me when I dropped D7 off. Tonight, it was all smiles.

Another difference. Two, three months ago I would have hung a lot of hope on the fact the night went so well. Now, I feel there's so much water under the bridge I don't see how we'd actually every get back together.

Last thing, another long post so I'm not sure people will pick up on this, but I was over at the house tonight twice. I was there all last week so I look around. I've found no paper work, no phone numbers, no documents on the computer or web sites in the history on divorce or divorce attorneys. For the snoopers out there, is there something I'm missing?