Coming up on One-Year of DB'ing...

[TrentC]

I read about the catheter ablation, although it sounds way better than opening a person's chest! but still not fun at all.

*Perk* Catheter ablation? I've had one. And if it makes you feel better, I was 35 or 36 when I had mine. And he's right -- not a lot of fun, but much better than having your chest opened.

I need to reread your sitch. What is the catheter ablation for?

[TrentC]

Ah, found it.

My health situation is a little bit scary. I have svt, which, I believe is an arrhythmia (mine was way elevated - heart rate was 285 when I got to the hospital). Weird though, I was in and out of ER in less than two hours. H was working out of town, and my bff was w/me. One shot of something in the IV that stopped my heart for a bit, and re-set the rate, and I rested for an hour and left. I have to go to the cardiologist next week. We'll see.

Mine was for this:

http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4785

And it seems to have taken care of it. I hope yours goes as smoothly.

[mindfull]

Trent...

Thank you so much for commenting on the heart issues. It's nice to hear of someone that's actually had it done!! God! I feel old! For Pete's Sake, I'm only 43! And, I think I got pneumonia from that stupid ER visit.

Also, the link you sent me... my Internal Medicine Doc mentioned that Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome. She didn't like something that came back in my tests. (She's my friend, too, so I get special treatment!)

Funny, I automated research labs in pharmaceutical and biotech companies, universities and government labs. You'd think I was immune to health issues!!

If you ask me, I would be better if I just felt better about my M.

Funny you commented. I have enjoyed your posts to others.

I have a whole four other threads... Wish it was all summed up somewhere for you to check out! (First page of this thread is the Cliff Notes version, I guess...)

THANKS AGAIN!!!!

[mindfull]

Hi ST!

Thanks for peeking in again. I'm functioning, but coughing NON-STOP! My Internal Med Doc just called. My Vitamin D levels are WAYYYY low, as well. I'm a mess! I played D1 tennis in college, still play soccer on the mom's league, walk almost daily, etc... Why am I such a mess? Sheesh!!

Actually, I put the mv idea on hold, as I FINALLY, after waiting nearly three months, have an appointment with this Naturopath. A number of my friends have been to her, as well as my H (last week). He has some yeast issues - has to detox with this tea for 30-days, drink noni juice, and about five other things to drink/take per day... then go on a yeast free diet for another 3 months. He's whining about it all the way, but I think he's starting to see the light already!

So, we'll see what she says.

How are you doing? Actually, the peace and quiet was nice on Friday night. Except every time I'd fall asleep another child would return home!

My D18 is doing great, though. Got to spend some time with her this past week. I haven't seen her much since she moved to her apartment, and is going to school. She goes to school and works during the week, and has been visiting friends *ahem* at all of the universities on the weekends. (Shopping them, MOM!) I pray for her safety all the time!!! And, she just got another job for the holidays at a X-Mas tree farm... she's making wreaths, and boughs now, and starting Friday will work in the little shop selling their crafts, candy, snacks, etc... She's LOVING it! Who knew? (She works w/10 college boys, what 18-year old wouldnt love it?!!)

S12 is in the middle of his bball season. They lost their first game tonight. They're 7-1 now. it was ugly. They all acted like this was a new sport tonight! Bball is like his third sport, but he does okay, and gets to play a third to half of the game. 12 of the 14 on the roster play club/travel bball, and S12 is a year round club/premier team soccer play, picking up yet ANOTHER sport to add to the chaos. He's really lucky to just see the court.

And, S9 is now S10, and just started bball practice. His season starts in a month, but he's still mostly focused as the gk of his club soccer team. He's a kick. Pure attitude. But loves his Mommy!!!

And, H is still traveling a lot for work, but has cut it down a bit, as well. He's friendly, engaging, connected to me, and always available to pitch in and take over on the weekends, and/or during the week when he's home. He also does a good job of being able to get home during the week for S12's bball games. And, he just went over and spent the afternoon with D18 and roommates on Saturday, and, of course, brought them food... He said they sat for three hours showing him silly videos of them from their web-cams, and skype logs. WOW He told me it's better he saw them than me! Yikes!

We are having Thanksgiving here. H likes it here. I think it's okay... (I HAVE TO COOK!) Although, he deep fry's the turkey, so that's a huge help.

I have a girls night tomorrow night. I hope I feel ok to go!

[mindfull]

So, H is becoming a bit agitated. I noticed this comes and goes in cycles. We were home pretty much all weekend, as outdoor soccer has ended, and I was sick. He makes little cutting comments towards me. Most times I just look at him, and give him this raised eyebrow look... not really allowing it, but not shutting him down either. Just a look that says that wasn't really necessary. He usually gets this way when he's tired, and hasn't slept much. Which he is, and he hasn't...

So, H left @ 6am and went out of town for work. I called him at 7:30ish because S12 thought he might have left his bball shorts in his car. H checked, and called me back saying they weren't there, but remembered he had emptied his car last weekend, and told me where to check at home.

H txts me during S12's bball game, asking the score, and asking for updates a few times during the game.

We call him after the game to give him the overview, talk about a few things, and hang up (< 3 min convo). About an hour ago, I txt'd him to tell him my friend has an appointment w/the Dr he just saw (on Mon). He replies. OK? I reply - She said to tell you that you inspired her to go. (She's had some major digestive issues - was scared.) Then, he calls...

H.... I'm awake now.
Me... OK...?
H... I was trying to take a 50 minute nap, when you txt'd me about your friends health.
Me... I don't know when you sleep, so I wouldn't know if I was waking you up.
H... How does your friend know I went to the Dr?
Me... I told her. She exhibits some of the same symptoms you do (dietary). (INTERJECTION - He's an OUT THERE kind of guy. He is NOT that private. Without mindreading, he's annoyed at something, and looking for a reason..)
H... How did I inspire her, and she has an appointment already?
Me... Just lucky to get in I guess!
Me... H, you sound annoyed... I don't talk to you that much during the day. If it annoys you that I wake you up when I call or txt during the day, it's easy. Let me know if you're going to sleep!!
H... Well, MF, we've talked many times today (2x for a total of five minutes), and txtd at least 15 times (he initiated, wanting status' for most). Couldn't you have told me this earlier? I mean, REALLY, if I don't answer my phone you call and call and call, and then call my friends/family that might know, etc... (This has happened 2x. He didn't answer the phone for hours. He was asleep. He owns a trucking company, and he travels around, schedules change, he's dispatching people, loading people, etc... I could NEVER know what his schedule is. It's worrisome. He could be up to three states away, and if he doesn't answer after hours, it's scary.)
Me... Sure.
H... OK, (sarcasm dripping) For the rest of this week, I'll txt you everytime I go to sleep and wake up.
Me... Ok, that's fine. Then I know.
H... (starts asking me ?'s about S12's bball game again)
Me... (I answer shortly, but politely - but now in tears - not allowing him to hear)


SO ANY RECOMMENDATIONS ON HOW TO HANDLE HIM?

On a normal day, when he's gone, it's about a 50/50 split on who calls who first, and if it's me, unless there's a specific reason, I wait until nighttime, and it's just one conversation.

So, seriously, that can't be much of a complaint.

And, the cutting remarks are hurtful. I'll try to think of examples.

H comes back in our room (I'm still in bed as it's only 6am) to tell me goodbye. He brings a soda can in w/him. H... Oh, here, I'm assuming this is yours. It was on our 300 year old antique clock. (Yes, I put it there - odd, because I am very tidy! However, when I put it there it was empty, and it was dry and not sweating... wasn't hurting anything!) Me... Yes, thanks. Then he talks a bit, says goodbye and leaves.

It's been little sh*t like that all weekend. Agitated kind of speak. Trying to make me feel bad...

Then, on the opposite hand. He's incredibly complimentary of the dinner I make him. We had a blast in the kitchen when he was making his detox tea.... We had a fun family dinner on Sat night.

So, how do I handle him?

[mindfull]

Maybe I just simply tell him...

... to shut the f*(k up!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

lol... well, that wasn't the response I had in mind! but it was funny!

you know, he's only doing the comments because he's not happy with the sitch either. or whatever it is that is bugging him. When I wasn't happy, I did the same thing to my H, then after he wanted to leave me, I realized what I was doing, and it was because I wasn't taking care of myself, and I was looking for my husband to make me happy.

What does he do to take care of himself? is he doing that? don't take his comments personal. perhaps you should act way upbeat everytime he does it? lol IDK. just think of something different and see what happens.

I'm very glad you guys are seeing a naturopath. they are very much more involved in what is going on with your body, and how to find the problems and cure them, instead of just fixing a symptom. I will say that the mv is a detox itself, and tastes way better too! but whenever you decide your ready. My mom tried noni for a year, and that stuff is disgusting!!! So I can totally see why he'd be whining! haha! but I'm glad to see him trying to take care of himself. HEY, just had a thought, if he IS detoxing, that will put someone in a not so good mood too, so maybe wait this one out, and just pretend it's all the yucky monsters in his brain coming out with his words.

[Tomato]

thinking of you as I try and re-catch up w/ U ..yeah fat chance LOL

Be guided by the Lord. He is never incorrect!

Stay balanced or maybe get the right balance back in your life that you had not very long ago. You can have a certain focus on SELF and yet not be selfish. Get there. I know that you know how as you have shown it and taught it just about.

Ted

[mindfull]

Crissy - you're reading my mind (which I'm not so sure is full anymore!)!

OK, so just a clarification... the cutting comments are a typical cyclical pattern of his. He gets annoyed w/a situation, a person, a problem w/his life, and the comments start to come. TYPICALLY, I hold off as long as I can, and then there's some kind of blow-up (this has literally been 2-3 times/year, since we M'd).

I knew you'd like my "what I'd LIKE to say." Ha! But, it's not happening.

I'll try your idea. I'll be a heck of an actress, if he makes a comment, and I have to turn around and be Smiling Suzy after it, but I'll try!

What does H do to take care of himself? Nothing. He sleeps at odd times, for short periods of time, during the week... Then, when he's home on weekends, he attempts to catch up, gets frustrated because he can't just fall asleep when he wants to, etc... He eats crap all week. Seriously. Candy bars, Diet Mountain Dew, hot dogs, pizza, etc... That's why I am diligent on cooking nice dinners when he's home on the select nights during the week, and weekends. He's always thankful for them. He gets NO exercise, except that he gets while working. He confides in NO ONE (that I know of, of course). I'm the closest he's ever gotten to anyone (that I know of, of course). He just doesn't get close to anyone.

With that picture described above, it's amazing that he's almost 6 foot, and 180ish. He's in decent shape (starting to sag a bit, but not anything like you'd imagine from his lifestyle). He looks healthy. He's the joker of the crowd, and if we're in a group, usually the one messing around with the kids. He's somewhat comfortable with friends of ours, but not really true friends with any of them. He likes them, but wouldn't go out of his way to make plans. The only thing he's done (initiating) within the last few years that I can remember is to take the boys to Happy Hour w/my BFF and other good friend, and the kids while I was away on a business trip. The BFF and good friend said he acted silly, and was "Typical H."

This is why I'm shocked about him going to the Naturopath... His stomach must have really been bothering him for him to actually go, "buy" into the program w/the detox, and Yeast Free Diet (plus, supplements), etc...

Who knows, maybe it will detox all of his emotional poisons right out of him, too!?!?!

Thanks, my friend!!!

PS - I must be reading too much BobbiJo. In the past, I would have let the exchange from last night ruin my day, and I wouldn't have really felt ok until we talked again, and things were normal, etc... Today, I actually feel fine. I notice the cycle. I'm continuing on w/my life. He'll be home tonight or tomorrow, and I will have some sushi (from this great new place) for him if he comes tonight (S12 has ANOTHER bball game), and he knows the boys and I are going to a friends tonight after the game. If he doesn't come home, I'll give him the update from the game, and leave it at that. I feel okay with this. I just had to focus on NOT feeding the cycle.

[mindfull]

Ted:
I was thinking about you the other day! How are YOU????

Thank you for finding me again.

Every quiet moment I've gotten this am, I've prayed for guidance, clarity and comfort. By, God, I think I'm getting it! I'm not feeling the codependence on my H's mood/issues today. YET! I'm prayin' them away!!

I am focusing on myself. I'm going to a girls night tonight. Haven't done that in a long time! And, I will look fab!