Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[shellshockedga]

Journaling:

been a few more days since last post so thought it was time to write down some thoughts.

The trip to FL with my boys has been one of the best things i could have ever done. infact, i wish i had done this three months ago. Lesson learned is that the need for MY family was overwhelming. Having them over 780 miles away was much tougher than I realized. now that I am with them and my boys, I see things in a much more clear light. taking the bull by the horns and moving on with the D on my terms was the right thing to do. Each day I become more and more detached from WAS. To the point now where I am a WAS. She calls and I have no longing feelings for her. I am no longer begging for anything from her, just ready to move on. I find myself thinking about a time, someday in the future, when I will share my life with someone else who will care for me and who i will respect. I am in no hurry for that, but know that when it comes someday, it will be done the right way. The other epiphinay I had this week was that I realized I like who I am. The last 5 months have made me question every part of myself. But I realize now that I am a good guy, a good person, a good catch. sure I had issues that needed attention, but not to the xtent that WAS made them out to be. DBing encouraged me to self examine and to come to terms with who i am and who i want to be. its certainly a shame for the boys that this is what it took to get here, but it is what it is. One thing they now have is a VERY attentive and involved dad. That wont change.

I am now focusing on the future. Much is in limbo as the "process" will take some time. However, by Spring perhaps this will be complete and I can begin to move on with my new life with the boys (however that will look)

Gnosis, on your points, i have a great L who is highly focused on preserving my rights as a father, so I feel very good there. I am also not a big drinker so no issues on that side. I do enjoy an occasional good cold beer or adult beverage, but learned long ago that those are things to enjoy only in moderation. I am still a competitive swimmer, so the two really dont mix well :-)

I will say a prayer for all on this board that each of us can find things to be thankful for this year, even in the midst of the very tough situations we each face.