Is my wife a WAW or is this a MLC? thx2brs

[LiveToLearn]

I feel for you. I am in the same situation with my wife and the MLC. She rewrites history and is hell bent on the divorce.

Good luck. God bless.

[are you kidding]

Tell myself over and over, kids need to know I love her and that's enough.

Tell myself, don't contact her first, which I don't.

Go Dark or twilight, that's pretty easy, she doesn't ask me anything anyway.

Set boundaries with what I will accept and with money and GAL.

Those probably are the three basics and if she doesn't think I'm getting on with my life, which I need to, I'm cooked.

I need to duct tape my mouth and write myself emails or texts and just send them to myself:)when I feel like helping her.

[are you kidding]

Feel for everyone on this board, so we have to feel for eachother, then we have to feel for our spouse.

We only get a couple min's to grieve for ourselves so much of then we grieve for the kids and the mlc.

In some cases it'd be easier to move on if it was a WAS and they were being this way because they want to.

But with that not the case, it's really messed up.

[are you kidding]

Read my thread if you want to, there is a lot of good advice in it.

Can try to make it easier for you, than the route I've taken.

1.MLC thinks ur a stalker, so don't go anywhere near her, don't call her, email her, you wait until she does you. Don't talk about her to anyone. They don't see it as you being nice.
2.You answer questions that she asks, kids, bills only
3.Don't tell her what she's doing is wrong and don't say I love you.
4.Respond with yes,no,can i get back with you.
5.They are very confused so you have to keep it simple.
6.Breathe means, patience, sit on your hands and don't do anything until someone from here points you in the right direction.
7.Forget being able to have a normal conversation they're not going to have that with us.
8.Protect your money.
9.Vent here, not at her. You have to be 90%Toyko and 10% Godzilla.

[Walking]

You have to be 90%Toyko and 10% Godzilla.

that is a fantastic analogy.

[Lostforwords]

Ayk,

Seems like you are regrouping nicely. As a heads up...I do expect the boards to be relatively quiet this week. Great time for GAL'ing with old friends, new friends, and the family.

As for pushing them away and how far you can push them...I am sure you know a couple that cannot be in the same room. Even sadder than that...I have seen weddings were parents weren't invited because their relationship was so bad. So you can push them a long ways away. I like to think of the journey for us in this type of path

1)Learn to react to the anger nicely
2)improve communications about kids, etc to a nice peaceful tone
3)Become friends again
4)Earn trust again
5)spend time doing none pressure activities together again
6)let them decide when they want to work on relationship again

Through out this you continue to work on yourself...do things for yourself.

7)piecing

You still work on yourself, but you also get to deal with the wreckage.

So it is a marathon....babysteps, backslides, etc...You made the choice to run, but you can stop running whenever you want. The choice is yours to make. As we have said many times...you only control yourself and your actions.

[are you kidding]

She's the runner...

I've always liked a challenge.

Tell you what's so confusing about this, is the pure hatred they have towards someone.

[fisherman]

She's the runner...

I've always liked a challenge.

Tell you what's so confusing about this, is the pure hatred they have towards someone.

This challenge you speak of has absolutely everything to do with you. Which is where your focus should be.

When it comes to her, the only option you have is to drop the rope and let her go.

[Lostforwords]

Well said Trapt..

As for the hatred....Think about everything in your life that isn't 100% perfect (AKA the dreamworld) and blame not having all of it on one person.....Then you can understand the hatred. Right down to your underwear don't fit right today, so it must be her fault for washing them wrong. That is were it comes from....regret filled blame on some one else other than looking inside and accepting the reality an individual created.

[LiveToLearn]

Great stuff.

I have been fortunate and now 7months is she is starting with personal counseling and on occasions realizing it is not all my fault. yay.

Still feels like she needs her time and space to figure out who she is. In all honesty I agree with her. I wish we could have gone through this together but she could not do that. It would have invalidated everything to know she had someone to catch her if she falls. I think deep down she wants to fall. Just to see what it is like and to see who she is and how she deals with it.

I have been following the advice that you posted for the most part

I read a story somewhere... if you have read it and know the location feel free to correct me. What I remember from it goes like this.

Ancient hunters would chase wild animals and the animals would run. Then one day probably out of sheer exhaustion and defeat the hunters collapsed tired in the field. After laying there for hours the noticed the game was all around them and no longer afraid of them. Still the hunters had done enough chasing to know this was a lost cause. So they packed up and headed back to camp. This is where the breakthrough happened. They noticed the game seemed to follow them... all the way back to camp where it became easy to capture the game of their choice.

That is sort of my stategy. Go home and see what follows. I am never going to catch the game on my own.