Before now I never questioned my love for her before, but this just hit me today for whatever reason. The person she is now is not someone I want to be with. The other way to look at it is the person I am in love with no longer exists. All of us LBSs know this to be true (that WAS is not same person any more), but we assume that the person is lurking just under the surface and that WAS will 'wake up' and that person will be back. My W has been like this for too long, and I now realize that she is probably permenantly this person that I do not love, and is incapable of changing in ways that would allow us to restore the M.
Can I choose to love her? Yes, but for some reason I don't want to choose this. If she said she wanted to work on the M and try to stay together would I choose to lover her? Yes, but it would be a lot more work for me than it would have been before when I was needy/pursuing/hurt.
At some point the WAS's actions bring us to this stage I guess. It is inevitable. Some of us get there faster than others. For me, it took a while because I kept thinking that if I just hang on longer, she will wake up from this temporary insanity. "How could she not? How could someone CHOOSE to break up a family and cause all this turmoil? How could someone choose to lower the standard of living for our children by forcing us to all live apart? After all, I am not a bad guy,right?? She will wake up and understand that she is being so irrational and selfish... " Anyway, these are the conversations I had with myself for months that sustained my hope.
Now what? I am going to give it a few days and try to get through Thanksgiving without too much drama.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
