Just a few minutes to post and then I have to head home.
H has tried the past few weeks to be what he thinks is a better person. I haven't been able to show him any affection, attention, love....nothing. Every time the talk of D or separation comes up he gets angry & calls me nasty things. It came up last night when I told him that I just can't give him what he wants. I just can't leave behind what he's done. Keep in mind, the affair and the treatment of me.....not the first time. He's doing everything he can to use D5 against me. Making this my fault. Saying that it's now my fault because I'm the one who isn't trying. Telling me that if we just went to counseling....etc. I just can't find the strength to give him anything he wants and I told him that. I told him that he made me feel like a worthless piece of crap and it's taken me a very long time to get over that but I now realize that I'm worth a lot more and no one should ever treat me that way. I told him that I did try and that each and every time he gave me any hope he turned around and pulled the rug out from under me. I told him that I even gave him another chance back in August and what did he do.....he hurt me.
He's emailed me a few times during the day saying tha I'm getting what I wanted....to be a single Mom. Telling me that I'll never make it here in the "big city" on my own and that I better high tail it back to my parent's if I expect to make it. Telling me again that he'll only send money if he has something extra.
I got on a job search today that I had set him up on. I saw that when he was home for lunch he was looking for jobs back by his dad's. This is a step further than he's taken it before. I either see him moving out while we're at my parent's for Thanksgiving or he'll keep holding on for something.
Saffie....he is on the lease. Legally, I could have him removed though.
Need to go.
Hugs- Sue
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
