Changing Man

[Gardener]

Okay, Gnosis, I'm back. Later than promised, but back. I'm going to refrain from quoting lest this post become a Gardener-quoting-Gnosis-quoting-Gardener-quoting-brknheart post

1) I did not word this correctly. Correct version: My STBXW is clearly not ever coming back and I will be better off without her. I'll admit to once or twice acknowledging the curious (to me) fact that there is a Divorced But Not Done Forum, though.

2)My believing that she will one day awaken to the fact that what she did (bail) was wrong and that she destroyed a lot blended-family-wise does not mean I am "clinging to the hope of reconciliation."

3)Actually, I have changed my mind on this. Originally, I had planned that after I signed the 2nd (last) document -D or House sale - I would walk out get into my truck and go. Probably to S,33 in Colorado for a bit and then move to the Northwest. I now plan to rent an apt. or cottage and give myself a year to heal because a) I don't need the additional stressor of pulling up stakes so soon after this year's ordeals, and b) it began to feel a bit like running away. Our plan had been to do just that in '11 or '12 because we were sick of the NorthEast. It is my plan still. And in the original "move immediately" plan, I admit there was an element, the consideration, of "bumping into her" as in, "who needs that?"

4)Sorry, but I do have compassion for her. Period. And since that word is (justifiably and charitably) used a lot on this forum, I do sometimes temper it by adding its actual, dictionary definition: "Sympathetic pity". Also, Gnosis, I don't "torture" myself by having that compassion.

5)Describing my opinion of her current state and issues (confused, distraught, in pain, scared, has FOO issues) for me, comes under the heading of "and I cannot help her with these". Your "And the correct way to feel about this is: "No longer my problem" is not me. There's "detachment" and there's "heartless".

6)As far as suing MC goes, no. But I am taking other steps. Interesting that you brought this up, because I read a D strategy (I forget where and the reason for this) that advised one to announce, at first legal meeting that you are going to sue. Back at first mediator's session I announced that I was going to sue her IC, our MC and the organization that trained and certified MC in their
"philosophy" and my STBXW freaked out. Not going to go into that further, here.

7 and final) Re: my doing "the one thing she has repeatedly asked of me since February; "Just leave me alone". This I do. Your response/advice to "Leave her alone including in your thoughts." This I do as well. More and more each day. With neither effort nor even attempt to do so. Like the old bumper sticker said "Sh+t Happens," - Detachment Happens.

I misworded much in my response to brkheart. Regarding your resulting numerous caring questions and comments, what I've just written (phew!) is where I am.

Today, anyway.