my W doesn't regret her affair

[futureunknown]

Thanks Gnosis for the detailed feedback.

I am finding myself thinking much more about what I want and what I'll be satisfied with in the future. Even as I imagine possible reconciliation with my W, I am keeping in mind that I have other options.

Good, this is healthy. Just don't forget the goal here is still to get her back.

Sometimes I think it would be better if I did forget that!

I don't have any money or anything inside to deal with mediation.

I hope you stuck to your guns here. Remember... You're "still done". Don't change tack yet. It's too soon. Keep pushing the fact you're willing to come up with the cash. You're WAS remember?

I actually didn't address it one way or the other. Today I got an e-mail from W to mediator and me saying she couldn't meet until January. I had previoudsly said I was okay with delaying our separation provided I wasn't living in an open marriage. Given what she said to me, how do I continue to push the mediation without looking like I've gone back on my word? Simply say I've changed my mind?

She asked if I was going bring the kids to her Mom's place for Thanksgiving, where she will be. I said "I have another option, but I haven't decided yet. Given what we talked about here, I'm willing for us to do Thanksgiving together, so I'll tell your Mom we're coming."

Bravo. Nice gesture. Good move. When it comes, enjoy it. Be lighthearted, happy and fun. Go find three jokes to memorize and practice telling them... and then on T-day be the life of the party.

No problem there. That's one area I've excelled at throughout this whole thing. I can easily have her laughing or sharing a meaningful conversation. Those are the times I'm so perplexed as to why she doesn't appear to want to be with me.

If her A is over, then I guess my strategy has to change, but after all this, I need to pull back and live my life. We'll see how Thanksgiving goes.

YES. Let's see how T-day goes. Make sure you've got your new, hot, single, stud on the loose look taken care of by then.

I think I've done okay here too. I actually enjoy shopping for clothes now. I'll make sure I'm looking good.

I know I probably could have got this better in my favor had I held a harder line for the last several months, but I didn't, and here's where I am.

That's why I've kept my trap shut and just followed your situation until now. You weren't ready for it. Only when you have nothing to lose and have completely let go of the grip of fear can you move on. For some it takes weeks, others months... others never.

I am embarrassed how long it's taken me. I think back to some of the things I did and said earlier this year and I cringe!