I am now leaning more and more to the holding off as well. H talked with me this a.m. about how he finds himself "drifting away emotionally" more and more with OW. Although they are still in contact, he seems to be disengaging. He also made some comments about seeing the changes I am making for myself and how that gives him hope. (What?.... GALing really WORKS? go figure! ;))
So... the DBing is definitely working. This, I believe, is what is most important at this point.
The only other area where I think exposure could bring some pressure to bear would be family. I know my H is VERY afraid of my family finding out, as they are quite conservative and traditional, and he knows they will be hurt and disappointed. But, I am going to hold off there as well for the time being. My sister knows we are struggling, but doesn't know all the details and has been a good support to me. My H's sister knows everything, and H knows she knows but there is no pressure there.
Our oldest S knows a little more than the other two. None know of the affair but oldest S asked me, "are you afraid of infidelity if you and dad separate?" To which I honestly answered "yes" and suggested he discuss further with his dad why that may be. H has said he knows he will need to tell the kids the full truth at some point but is not ready to yet.
H still remains uncertain about M but these are positive signs and I think bringing too much pressure at this point would push away again...
