7 months in but still a mess.

[Ready2Change]

gucci loafer has some good points. They do go against a lot of thought processes here. The key is to do those things for YOU.

I am strong, I am confident,

Good. Stay strong and confident.

I also like to get my way.

Controlling is not good. Setting boundaries is good. Listening, Validating and empathizing are good.

So I am struggling with fighting for my marriage and letting her make the biggest mistake of my family's life.

You can be firm about your commitment to your core values. There are change YOU need to make to YOU. Only YOU can figure those out. Your spouse has all the things that are missing in YOU. That is what you were/are attracted to.

Now is the time to reflect on WHO you are and WHO YOU want to be.

Do a little research.

DO A LOT OF RESEARCH. Figure out what positive changes you can make to YOU to be the best PERSON YOU can be.

Strong confident men are attractive to women.

YES

So, when a strong, confident man is fighting for his marriage, the woman views it (and her view is what counts) as WEAKNESS (which is NOT attractive)

I believe it depends on HOW he is fighting for it. Begging etc YES. Standing up to her, and not giving in to her selfish behavior is attractive. "If you are unhappy, you are free to leave, but I would prefer if you stayed" is attractive, non controlling and gains your respect.

You see, one of the things that many men "miss" on this site is that when a woman is feeling those "romantic and in love feelings" is when she is dating "up" or involved with a man who allows HER to do much of the pursuing and chasing. Now women will tell you they would prefer to be chased, but have you noticed that really isn't the true reality? That when they are chased by a man that they usually back off? (and YOU are another case in point right now)

The key is back off faster than the WAS. Get them to stop running and stop. Then give them chance to see what they will be missing if they leave. YOU NEED TO KEEP MOVING AWAY from WAS until they are PURSUING YOU! Then you need to KEEP DOING WHAT WORKS by moving away and setting boundaries.

The key is to know how to pursue and yet allow her to BELIEVE SHE IS pursuING.

will not accept anything less than a woman who WANTS to be with you and will be exclusive with you.

CORRECT

She needs to "feel" that you will accept nothing less. [quote]CORRECT- BOUNDARIES and actions.

[quote] You ARE accepting something less. Don't you see that you are pursuing a woman who even tells you she can't be faithful? You should be calling her bluff as if you have a straight flush. As a strong and confident man this is the reason you have lost your mojo. You don't have the "confidence" to tell her NO, this is unacceptable and I don't want a woman like that. End of story.

BINGO

Your 180 is to show her in no uncertain terms that you really have LOST interest in her. That SHE isn't worth YOUR love and time. This will then be perceived as strong and confident. You are not mean to her or punitive, but just casual and "oh well, this isn't working and not what I want or am looking for"

YES

She THEN either HAS to chase you, which causes her romantic feelings to start COMING back or it is over anyway. (so what have you really lost?) Confident men are WILLING to risk it all for the sake of their self esteem.

With all that said. YOU have to make the change to YOU for YOU. You can observe how WAS behaves to your actions. YOU can also observe how other women behave toward you. Keep your boundaries, but I found it much easier to "practice" new behavior with other woman (of course I am D and moving on with my life).


Set firm boundaries with WAS. Walk away from her and wait for her to chase.