It's okay about the posts.....just want to try and keep up with your stitch. Anyway, you do a good job in explaining things.

Your W certainly has some type of crises and it sounds as if the married w/children was getting a bit much for her. Losing a good deal of weight has a strong effect on some women. Is she dressing kind of sexy and trying to act younger? That is usually a sign of MLC. Wanting to go back and redo one's life.....like returning to the dating years....that's a big issue and why lots of A's happen. It's not an "excuse" but may explain some of it....if in deed she is in MLC. Some people don't believe in it.

Keeping your conact with MIL down to a minimum is probably wise b/c your W will resent you and her mother. Anyone who is on your side of this stitch will be resented by her. And, FWITW, having her family in your corner doesn't hurt....but it doesn't really help as much as you might originally think. They may try to talk sense into her, but in a way....it is like they are "pursuing" her or pushing her into going back to you, and that's not good. I've been there and I know. She must make this decision on her own and not be talked into it by you or her parents or any C.

BTW, her parents may come to the point that they feel caught in the middle, so you may have to tell them that you understand their position and do not want to come between their R with their D. Keeping a good R with them sure helps where the kids are concerned.

Speaking of C, I am so glad you got rid of that one. There are so many bad ones giving poor advise to couples.

Quote:
My hope is that this is the first stage of remorse for my W,


I don't know that she "is" remoseful. Did you say that a coworker found her notes about her thoughts of suicide? Did she speak of being remorseful in the notes? If she is doing this for attention, then she is not remorseful....even if she talked like it in the notes. If her family caters to her and she is "working" them.....it is not good. She will try this again some day if she thinks it will work now. But, that is their business in how they react to her. You have to take care of you & the kids.

She will want the man she can't have. She may be wanting some OM that doesn't want her.....or won't leave his W for her, who knows what may be going on. The thing to focus on is that you are working on becoming an attractive person.....and you start by becoming unavailable to her. It may take some time, but it will hit her how she can't crook her little finger and make you start running to her anymore. That will get her curious. She may try a few tricks to see if that will work. (That may even be what she's doing now...who knows.)

The less you speak of your life and what's going on with you, the better. You need to be somewhat mysterious where she is concerned so it will cause you to seem more interesting. It just works that way. Anyone is interesting to people when they don't know everying....right? However, do not ever lie to her.......that is not being mysterious. One can be somewhat vague without lying.

I'm glad you are pouring yourself into taking care of the kids. I'm sure you have your hands full!

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!