Long Journey .......... advice please

[Sanderika]

YES, I too wonder the same about the progression between our kids and their dads. My S has lived the same as your D and S. For the most part refusing to give him the time of day and declining one invite after the other because of his own pain over his loss of family.

My H has missed out on over 4 years with S. They are virtual strangers. It hurts me as I cannot imagine turning my back on my S, even given the severity of our sitch. My son does not feel loved by H. He still feels neglect and abandon. He has however learned to accept "what is....is". He always treats H with kindness and respect regardless of his inner feelings.

My H appears to be trying to involve S in his life again, albeit in very small doses and still fairly infrequent.

Just recently I saw my S put his wall down and go off with H a couple of times, and had a great time. The other night H called to speak to me and S answered the phone. He has been very reluctant to give his dad even an inch. H was pleased that S answered. H said: "I got to talk to J tonight". His tone was of pleasure and almost like it was a treat!!!!

I need them to have a relationship, I am powerless to maintain it for them. It breaks my heart in pieces to see the R between S and H deteriorate. THIS HAS ALL BEEN AT H'S HAND AND CHOOSING!!! My son has been without dad between the ages of 9 and 13. Very tough ages, a boy needs to have a male role model. H has been a very poor example. I want to see them patch things up. I want it for them, I am out of the picture now. My R with my S is wonderful. It is my duty to maintain and nurture that for us.

There are lessons to be learned everyday by the maturity and resolve our children have shown during these times. Time heals all.....