See, there are alot of similarities thoughout all the posts here. That leads me to believe that your H is in MLC. IMHO, the best thing is to back off, limit contact and act as though your H isn't coming back. This way you won't go insane! LOL
My gut told me the same....what was going on was totally wrong. It really does take time for them to get through this. Its so hard on us and the kids because we don't have any understanding what they are going through and want to just smack them back into reality!
What ever you do, don't turn the hope off! Just sit back and watch everything unfold!