I posted in the newcomers but needed advice

[25yearsmlc]

Swimming,

if half of what you say about your h is true, you are REALLY better off without him. I don't know if I have ever said that here before. But he's an abuser. And you are into victimhood. Yes you probably did strike out at him emotionally b/c you were needy and I'm NOT even discussing the ppd b/c that's real and too damn bad for HIM if you were sick then. So what? He sounds like the single least responsible man I know. You BOTH got into financial trouble when HE went to law school and didn't work. I had a JOB AND A BABY when I went to law school. Jesus, don't let him whine another minute about that. Tell him to join the Army if he wants and they can pay for the schooling. What a baby and you enabled him! That's what I see. A LOT of enabling. Are you someone who never dated anyone else and thought you should be grateful that a cute guy was marrying you? The crap he has said and done is inexcusable. So yeah, forgive him so you can release yourself from the pain.

But why on earth do you want to be married to him? you can love someone and know they are not good for you (although I personally think it's unhealthy over time, to "LOVE" someone who isn't lovable or loving or respectful to you)


He's not good news for you. He isn't even a great dad. So my gut tells me this is about a really low self esteem on your end and probably on his as well. But you only control you. Be the author of your life's novel. IS this how you want your life to go? Is this CHAPTER going as you hoped? Write the rest of your book yourself and take him out of this chapter of your life. IF he shapes up and mans up, HE can work on getting back to you....you have enough on your plate. Are you seeing a t or c yourself?

You have to and that is NOT a judgment. God knows I needed help and I got it and thank God for that....


Stop asking him about his feelings. Do NOT initate any R talk. IF there's a chance of this M (sigh) getting restored, it's by you getting healthy first. THEN maybe he will. Until you take care of yourself, you won't be bringing anything to the table. Stop taking ALL the responsibility for the failiure of the marriage. The financial part--um, what about his role in providing for the family? If HIS self esteem is as low as I think it is, you are not helping by reminding him of how YOU failed financially b/c the reality is most men know or feel they should be doing it. So his lashing out is his way of blaming you for all...and who wants that in their life?

Get healthy. Be the best mom you can be. The rest will follow but for now, I'd go dark on him big time.

Have you spoken to a DB coach? I found them very helpful.
j-