Trying LRT - Please Help!

[Gardener]

Beware the controlled separation.

I second that.

[motherof3]

Agreed. The controlled separation (CS) was started prior to me finding DB. I have since focused on the principles of DBing. But for H, the CS is all that he knows and quite possibly the only reason he hasn't filed yet. Do you think I should tell him the agreement we had on CS is now null and void? He would probably ask why and I wouldn't know what to say. In addition, the entire topic is related to our R and I am trying to avoid a R talk at all costs. Not sure what to do. Should I just let it be for now?

[Lost Rabbit]

MO3 We went for a temporary separation which our MC suggested, well she tried to persuade H that the grass wasnt greener and then gave up and suggested a TS, he left in Aug and is still having one! Dont be scared of the separation is all I can say, use the time wisely to find yourself again, its not a bad thing in fact I could now say Im enjoying my time without H, ok we are sorta starting R talks and seeing each other but its still early days and the skills I have learnt whilst on my own will be put to good use for ever what ever happens!

[motherof3]

Thanks LR. Sounds like I should visit your thread.

[Lll54]

I agree with the separation. I have learned so much about myself and the things I want in life, and the things I used to take for granted, and the person I want to be when H left. We had an in house separation for a week,(I know, not very long), but since he left, honestly has been the best thing for me. I found out who I really am, and it did take him actually leaving to get there.

[motherof3]

Ok, so I am struggling with this issue.

My D's birthday is 11/30. She will be turning two. I am not planning any big birthday party for her. But I am going to be baking her a cake, putting up ballons, etc. to make it a special day. Should I invite H over to watch her blow out the candles and eat cake with us or would that be too much 'cake eating'? Excuse the pun. I don't want to come across as pursuing either. Any thoughts?

[givingitmyall]

Ok, so I am struggling with this issue.

My D's birthday is 11/30. She will be turning two. I am not planning any big birthday party for her. But I am going to be baking her a cake, putting up ballons, etc. to make it a special day. Should I invite H over to watch her blow out the candles and eat cake with us or would that be too much 'cake eating'? Excuse the pun. I don't want to come across as pursuing either. Any thoughts?

Has he mentioned anything about D's birthday?

I don't see anything wrong with letting him know you will be doing cake, etc for D's birthday and he is welcome to join in if he wants. Then leave it to him to decide.

[Gardener]

Has he mentioned anything about D's birthday?

I don't see anything wrong with letting him know you will be doing cake, etc for D's birthday and he is welcome to join in if he wants. Then leave it to him to decide.

I agree. I'd wait as long as possible, re: letting him know.. Be interesting to see if he inquires as to what you'll be doing for DD's BD.

[motherof3]

Thanks guys,

At the end of October, he did say that he wanted let me to let him know the plans for D's birthday and what he would be invited to participate in.

At that time I hadn't really thought about it and didn't give him an answer.

[motherof3]

Has he mentioned anything about D's birthday?

I don't see anything wrong with letting him know you will be doing cake, etc for D's birthday and he is welcome to join in if he wants. Then leave it to him to decide.

GIMA,

At what point do you go from an honest invitation to pursuing? In some ways I see this invite as an opportunity for H to do some cake eating but on the other hand I would hate for him to miss this milestone. I am stuggling with where to draw the line.

As an example, the day after Thanksgiving, in the past we would go to a tree farm and pick out the family Christmas tree, decorate the tree, the whole nine yards. H has the kids on Thanksgiving day and dropping them off on the day after Thanksgiving. I still plan on keeping up with the tradition and taking them to get the Christmas tree. Would it be okay to extend the invitation to H in this sitch? Or is that one too many invites in the same week?