Even if you do demand answers, if there is an OM involved, she has this sort of fuzzy, warped view of what will happen when you and her go your seperate ways. She cant fully appreciate what it will mean... thats the whole idea of her being in a fog. She thinks that you are the obstacle to her happiness, and getting rid of you will free her up to be with OM.
I absolutely get what you're saying here. Good advice/insight.
Me 45 WAW 36 S8 T 15 M 12 Multiple PA's since 6/07 W moved out 10/25/09 I filed D 12/29/09 Sitch
Well, W's finances or lack thereof are starting to catch up with her. She got so behind on her "secret phone" texting to OM so much that now she can't afford to reactivate it. She called today from another number and said she'd be using this new number at least until after Christmas when she would hopefully be able to afford to get on a new plan. Pretty sure that OM is providing her the loaner phone, but don't know for sure. Don't really care, as long as I'm not financially supporting her affair anymore.
This means that I no longer have access to her call records anymore, and quite frankly, I feel relieved. It was VERY hard to not to check her logs several times a day, and it pained me every time to see how much they were communicating from first thing when they wake up until their "goodnight"s in the wee hours of the morning. The occasional gaps from the time W got off work until texting resumed made me feel even worse. This is just another step towards detachment, which I know will be good for me.
I've got all the call records from both of her phones captured to file and safely tucked away on a couple of storage devices, in case a future need for them ever comes up.
Me 45 WAW 36 S8 T 15 M 12 Multiple PA's since 6/07 W moved out 10/25/09 I filed D 12/29/09 Sitch
s7 spent the night with W last night. She showed up more than 2 hours late from our agreed time to pick him up, and then acted like she couldn't understand why I was acting somewhat upset. I don't know what kept her from being on time, but she wasn't here for the previous two hours when s7 was very anxious/upset that W wasn't here yet. I seriously question her priorities most of the time. In her mind, it seems that everything revolves around HER.
Had to let it drop as s7 acted like nothing was wrong once she got here. Of course s7 was just happy to see her. Went on with my life and reconnected with a friend over at his house. I hadn't seen him in quite a while and he was very happy that I'd contacted him. We hung out, talked a lot and played guitar until after midnight. Definitely good therapy, and we've made plans to make it a regular thing. Friend encouraged me to continue playing guitar as much as possible as a way to fill some of my "lonely" times. I think it's pretty good advice, as it's always been a personal goal of mine to get better at playing...just never "had the time" when W was living here.
Me 45 WAW 36 S8 T 15 M 12 Multiple PA's since 6/07 W moved out 10/25/09 I filed D 12/29/09 Sitch
Just picked up s7 from wife's apartment. When I got there, he was laying on the porch outside of the front door. S7 said he was waiting for me there. I asked if he was packed up and ready to go, and he said yes. He opened the door, as I stood outside of it and grabbed his packed bags next to the door. I asked where W was and he said he didn't know. I told him not to forget his hat, which he went into the living room to grab. I expected my voice to at least stir someone in the apartment, but no one appeared.
Assuming (yeah, I know about that word) that W was still mad about last night's late transfer and didn't want to see me, we took his stuff and left. We only live a mile down the street, and as soon as we got home, I received a very angry call from W telling me how wrong it was to take him without letting her know. I explained that I was following our agreement exactly, and that I was there to pick him up at exactly 3pm. Reminded her that I had offered to pick him up at 4pm, but that she had insisted on 3. W got mad and hung up. I called back and explained that it was my mistake to assume that she just didn't want any contact with me, but that I was going to follow our agreements to the T. She claimed that she would never just have him sitting out waiting for me without seeing him off and that I really don't know her.
W said that she came out to find him to make him lunch, and that he was gone and again told me how WRONG that was. I explained that I was exactly on time, and had she been paying attention to the time, she would have known that it was time for me to be there. W said that I was just trying to make a point, and using our s7 to do that. She asked how I would feel if she had done that to me. I got her point. She said goodbye and hung up.
I texted her back a few minutes later apologizing for the misunderstanding, and that in the future I would make absolutely sure that she knows when I come pick him up. I realize that I should have made sure that she knew that I was there to pick him up and allowed her to tell him goodbye. I'm totally new to this whole visitation thing, and I made a mistake. I probably was trying to make a point about promptness (and her lack thereof). I also made the wrong assumption in thinking that she had him ready and waiting for me outside the apartment door.
Asked s7 if he enjoyed spending some time with W. He said all he did was play with W's roommate's d6 while W was in another room. s7 said that W only spent about 20 minutes with him earlier this afternoon making him a necklace. I know that it's none of my business how W spends her time with s7, but I just wish she'd give a little bit more of herself and her time to him during these visits. I know though, that all I can do is give him my time, attention and love.
Me 45 WAW 36 S8 T 15 M 12 Multiple PA's since 6/07 W moved out 10/25/09 I filed D 12/29/09 Sitch
D@amn, it's hard to have contact with W nearly every day without somehow having it lead to at least something about R. Today, W came over to see s7 off to school, and we ended up rehashing what happened when she was over 2 hours late picking up s7 for overnight visit.
After I left, she tried to use her computer on my WiFi network and realized that she couldn't connect (denied her MAC address last week). Called and asked if this was intentional, and I said "yes". Ended up telling her that because of the decisions that she has made and is still making, all the little things I have done for her out of kindness/love/friendship in the past are coming to a end.
W has spent the last 4 weeks completely closing me out of her life, and replacing our friendship with someone else. The only reason I have any contact at all with her at this point is because of s7.
Told W how disrespectful to me and to s7 it was for her to disregard a schedule that we had made, and that I had to draw a line on actions like that. Made sure that she understood that despite the fact that s7 was happy to see her when she finally arrived, he had spent over 2 hours very upset and anxious about "why isn't mommy coming to pick me up?". Once more, I admitted I was wrong by not making sure she knew that I was leaving with s7 at our scheduled pickup time, and that I was not only remorseful, but repentant and I would never do that again.
She's SO furious at me, and despite my efforts to avoid discussing R, she seems to push our discussions to the edge of R talk. All I could do was reiterate she knew where I stood and that SHE was the one who was making these decisions for her life. I was simply trying to move forward and live my life and take care of our son.
Quite frankly, after 4 weeks, my heartbreak and sorrow seems to be mutating into anger and frustration with having to deal with her so often. I still love her, and would still like to have our family back together. However, at this point, she's so blinded by her infatuation with OM (who I'm not bringing up at all when we talk), she's not even close to thinking along those lines.
Me 45 WAW 36 S8 T 15 M 12 Multiple PA's since 6/07 W moved out 10/25/09 I filed D 12/29/09 Sitch
D@amn, it's hard to have contact with W nearly every day without somehow having it lead to at least something about R. Today, W came over to see s7 off to school, and we ended up rehashing what happened when she was over 2 hours late picking up s7 for overnight visit.
After I left, she tried to use her computer on my WiFi network and realized that she couldn't connect (denied her MAC address last week). Called and asked if this was intentional, and I said "yes". Ended up telling her that because of the decisions that she has made and is still making, all the little things I have done for her out of kindness/love/friendship in the past are coming to a end.
W has spent the last 4 weeks completely closing me out of her life, and replacing our friendship with someone else. The only reason I have any contact at all with her at this point is because of s7.
Told W how disrespectful to me and to s7 it was for her to disregard a schedule that we had made, and that I had to draw a line on actions like that. Made sure that she understood that despite the fact that s7 was happy to see her when she finally arrived, he had spent over 2 hours very upset and anxious about "why isn't mommy coming to pick me up?". Once more, I admitted I was wrong by not making sure she knew that I was leaving with s7 at our scheduled pickup time, and that I was not only remorseful, but repentant and I would never do that again.
She's SO furious at me, and despite my efforts to avoid discussing R, she seems to push our discussions to the edge of R talk.All I could do was reiterate she knew where I stood and that SHE was the one who was making these decisions for her life. I was simply trying to move forward and live my life and take care of our son.
No, CC, "all you could do" would be to say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we're not having this discussion now. I have to go, in fact I'm already late for something." Or whatever.
Look at your post above, the parts where I've highlighted. Lots of "somehow"s and "all I could do"s in there. Those indicate a man who is passive and REACTIONARY, not strong and LEADING.
It takes two to "somehow have an R convo," Crows. You need to try harder at not giving her the required quorum to have one.
Oh, and the reason I highlighted "make sure she understood" it to say that it's not your job right now to "make sure she understands." You can't teach an adulteress.
