Interesting weekend. I went to another bible study meeting/dinner party at my friend's place. Met some new people, had some good conversations. The conversations got me recalling a number of things that have come up in recent history regarding my S's and xW. Some things I had tried to gloss over, put to the back of my mind, but came to the fore when catching up with friends. Much of this I have related here in these forums already. Other details got me thinking again.
I want to document these here before I lose track of them again.
Last week, we were somehow discussing sharks while I was driving my S's home. S8 then just spontaneously restated the incident that occurred when xW took them on vacation to Myrtle Beach -- with the OM. It involved S8 and OM going out in an inflatable kayak beyond the breakers, where the rip currents form. I have never gotten the full story but they capsized way off shore and got into a bit of trouble trying to get themselves righted. S8 cannot swim. Needless to say I was p*ssed about the whole thing, hearing about it only later after they got back. I said nothing to xW, just filed it away for a list of grievances I will bring to the parenting coordinator when it comes to that.
This time, however, when S8 piped up in our conversation about sharks and began to relate again about this Myrtle Beach incident, he stated that his mother had refused to go into the raft/kayak with them because they had seen lots of sharks from the pier earlier and -- get this -- she was afraid of there being sharks in the water while out in the raft.
My mouth fell open and I wanted to throw a fit, but I kept my cool and calmly told S8 that I did not approve of any of these reckless activities with OM. I said it is apparent from S8's description of the events that OM is a foolish, untrained person who has no concept of the risk to which he is placing my S's in, and that I would like for S8 to never go out alone with OM is in such a questionable manner again. Still, I said his mother is charge of them when they are with her and there was nothing I can do about that, but to try to express to the both of them they really need to be extra careful for their own sakes when I am not there.
Some of you will likely read me the riot act for making such a statement like that before my S's, undermining (supposedly) the trust these children are supposed to have in their mother. And you know what? Until S8 related the additional information about why his mother did not join in, I would have agreed with that sentiment.
However, when my ex is more interested in promoting the OM to my S's than she is in their very safety, that leads me to conclude she is a reckless fool who would sacrifice their security for her own gains. I mean, come on! She thinks it is unsafe for her to go on this little venture because of her own percieved threat (real or not) concerning sharks -- but she'll send her own child out into that very danger?!?
(At the same time I am disgusted with xW on another level -- it's been over two years now she's had this slavish, puppy-dog attachment to the OM, so when the h*ll is this fog ever going to lift for her? When one or both of our S's end up dead?)
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Last week's den meeting, S8 was acting pretty hyper. I had a hard time getting him to settle down and pay attention to what our den leader and other adults were saying. Several of the boys in the den were the same way, to one degree or another. S8 seemed particularly difficult.
I overheard a couple of the other parents talking, relating about how the boys were are all being big handfuls. I caught what one mother said about S8, how she was glad she didn't have to deal with a boy like S8 every day.
I kept smiling and pretended I didn't hear what she said, but it hurt. For my sake and for S8's sake. I know how he sometimes becomes difficult to handle, disruptive of the groups of people he's around. But most of that is attributable to his Asperger's and his sensory integration issues -- and he can't help it. And I know the mother who spoke didn't mean anything malicious, just stating the facts without understanding the situation, without understanding that S8's ability to maintain his control in crowds of people has it's limits. She doesn't know how difficult it can be for an AS child, for if she did she would be amazed at how well he is able to contain himself today compared to how he was even two years ago.
So I understand her thoughts and can forgive her ignorance. Yes, S8 is difficult and trying at times, even to me. But I am so thankful at how far he has come in the last few years, heck, even the last few months. And I look at how his peers behave, and I realize that S8 is no where near as uncharacteristic in his behaviors than they are. They're all just high-energy boys -- S8 is just a bit more-so.
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There are a number of other things, but I'll likely make note of them later.
