@CityGirl: And what is the point of adding more hurt? I will never understand it. Ever.
The only theory I've been offered, and it seems like a fairly persuasive one as I chew it over, is that it's either (or both) of Displacement -- separation of emotion from its real object and redirection of the intense emotion toward someone or something that is less offensive or threatening in order to avoid dealing directly with what is frightening or threatening -- or Distortion -- a gross reshaping of external reality to meet internal needs.
IOW, WAS must do this rather than confront the reality s/he has created, even though it is presumably a reality s/he wanted.
It's difficult to conceive of such behavior as anything other than an attempt to self-justify an essentially selfish action. Who wants to be that guy who leaves a perfectly reasonable, if not shiny-new, partner? Especially if it's for some Strange? But that guy who leaves a demanding, over-the-hill, controlling (etc FITB ad nauseum...) shrew (possibly because he's found the Love of His Life) -- that guy can look himself in the mirror. Strike that, reverse it, and it works just as destructively for WAWs.
Cognitive dissonance is in there for sure, but I think it's more than just choice-affirming. Guilt-mitigation is a biggie, even if -- especially if -- it's unacknowledged. IMHO.
Of course, that's a muddled-thinking Epic Fail, and who would want to be within a ten mile radius of someone in those weeds?
Disengage, disengage ....
Last edited by Kettricken; 11/23/0906:55 PM.
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