Just an Update

[ddstartingover]

TCBTE

If I would even brush against him walking by he acted like he had just gotten a jolt of electricity! He didn't want to be near me at all and when he did visit us he stood up most of the time!!
Y

Oh my....I don't know if it's the chill I got when I first read this, or the tears in my eyes right now----but this is exactly what I experience. The DEAD DEAD eyes, the feeling that he thinks I'm "contagious" and his inability to SIT when in our HOME. He absolutely won't sit down! If he has to be there (waiting for a child to get ready) and it becomes an uncomfortable wait----rather than sit, he goes outside.

My gut tells me that this is SO WRONG, that it can't end this way---that it's not supposed to END. My Heart though is so mutilated that I don't know how I can take it anymore. We had an exchange last month about D16 and her boyfriend----I told him how they reminded me of us----because they are at the age we were when we started dating. I told him that boyfriend thinks I don't like him because I don't always say yes when D16 asks if he can come over. I told her it wasn't that, but how they reminded me of how H and I started and how sad I was that I am now HERE. I told her that I still loved H---and told H that I told her that. It was a HUGE mistake to tell him. He e-mailed me and told me how inappropriate it was for me to talk to D about things like that----that I would be ruining their (D and H) relationship, and that conversations like that were for friends not daughters. Said it would be like him telling S11 not to have a serious relationship in high school because of all the things he would miss out on. This led to me replying with several very emotional e-mails. He finally apologized for overreacting to the conversation.

I've taken my ring off, couldn't leave it off more than a day. At one point last spring I took it off and gave it to him, but asked for it back after a day. But lately, it feels uncomfortable.

I don't think that things will turn now that I'm ready to give up, but I just can't turn the hope off no matter how hard I try to resolve to give up. Thanks for letting me vent, and for the input!