Bj, I never doubted your...general talents!! NEVER! K
s4H, you are a normal man, we got your attention even by speaking the words, H on the other hand... hmm, not showing any signs of ...attention. His loss!
Men significantly increased the chatter on your thread with a blow job mentioned. Try looking at your spouse and imagine giving him one while you're talking. Look at him and think of what it would be like to kiss him, really kiss him. Don't say a word. Just think it while you're near him. Imagine what it would feel like if you touched him gently. If he touched you.
Don't say a word. Just think about and see what happens.
"Try looking at your spouse and imagine giving him one while you're talking."
See.. now that is what I am talking about.
The "idea" or "thought" behind that is super solid advice.
Maria, right now you are your worst enemy. And you know it. All the discussion about dating.. putting things off.. delaying.. you get the idea.
My thought is.. You always "loose" something when you are faced with tuff times. As you know.. I like people that "stand out" when faced with tuff times. You know you are my "favorite". So.. once again.. what does that mean?
Off we go...
"Cant find my "pieces""
To me you clearly state what your issues are. The thing I like about it is that you know.. you are "at fault". As I have said many times before.. How can you get somewhere.. if you don't know where you are going? Don't focus on I said you were "at fault".
In my travels "here" with you.. "Him" and I have seen you "Stand up". You will tell me that you "stood up" when you "had the world". To a point this is true. The "emotion" that you had was what was attractive. It was the "ideas" and the "thoughts" that showed thru. What you don't realize.. or understand.. is that is who you are. You are the person that "shines" when it's cloudy. To a point.. you need the "drama". Much like me.
"What's the purse like? This girl would enjoy to know."
Jesus H. Christ! I could pay my house payment with that purse. Lavish him with gift's. Remember.. if you look back.. they don't have to be "expensive".. they have to be "heart felt". A little bit of the real you in them. I understand "this".
"Happy Name Day"
Yea.. I was late. It was not intentional. It does not mean I Love you any less. Men and dates. We fail.
"He made a big effort. He bought something he knows I LOVE and not something I need. He had to go downtown"
I applaud the effort.. Honestly.. he was trying to impress you.
"took a lady friend with him for advice."
This is why I have always said.. you are not "communicating" with him.
"She suggested another place but he said he wanted to go there because of the quality or something similar."
"quality"
That is the word to define. Why would he care about "quality"? Is he trying to "make up"? Or does he "see" it and want to "caress" it? Why does an "man" work? What does he expect in return? What happens when the "woman".. is more "manly"? To me.. and my crazy mind.. he is a man of many "means". He does well and expects a "reaction". He does not understand that the "woman" does not need the "means". He can't see the Physical LL in you Maria. He is applying his logic to it. Remember the gift.. on the plane? The kiss on the steps? You know I have always labeled him a "girly" man.
"He said facing me, my feelings, the way I am cautious and careful, he says he sees my feelings on my face all the time. I told him I have big question mark lack of sexual desire. Unfortunately he asked something I didn't get and I got upset and ended the conversation before I got any answers. But he seemed to "know" it is an issue."
Cough. He is looking for a reaction in you. Let me point it out that you know.
"I know that there are men that can treat me the way i want to be treated. No doubts there. I guess i want something easy, effortless, mutual, with the right timing, same level of maturity etc etc. I want some happiness."
"I am focusing too much on him and his actions"
"The way we do this now, is putting too much pressure on me and it's the kind of pressure I don't know how to handle."
""I am miserable, I don't know what it is, I cant figure out why it is getting worse each day but I am really really miserable"
You are outside of your LL here. Yet to a point your are waiting on a reaction from him.
You understand why he "strayed". You expect him to "react" to that.
He won't.
He will react to the woman.. that understands it.. and is willing to move on from it.
Show him the love you have for him.. even though he does not deserve it.
You have to "listen" too. He is talking.. thru you. I can "see" it.. and I hate him for what he has done.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Hey Forrest!! Hi, what are you up to? Check your mail. I cant watch youtube here. Will have to wait till I get home.
"I hate him for what he has done"... Yeah, that thought comes often to my mind.
"Show him the love you have for him.. even though he does not deserve it" How SAD is it to feel your spouse doesnt deserve your love... Big ISSUE for me. He doesnt deserve it. And I CANT show it to someone that does 1000%.
How do you judge what is love?
Last night he came over again. He wanted to. He asked me to let the kids go to him in the morning and not worry about waking him up. I woke up when he came in (had to let him in). Came to bed and snuggled. I couldnt sleep. I made a couple of VERY clear moves that meant "I want to TRY to make love with you -since I have to confess making love to him feels...dirty, like HE is dirty -GOD I need therapy!!". (None of those involved bjs or anything similar). He waved and smiled =ignored and snuggled tenderly.
I couldnt sleep and listening how he was calm and sleeping I got up and went to the kitchen. Sat there on a chair (ali, the one by the fridge) and started thinking which way to get out of there... He realised I was gone and called me twice to see where I was. I didnt want to make a scene or cause discussions, or drama so I just said I was getting some water. I went to bed and fell asleep a few hours later.
This morning my D got up singing. So cute and sweet. Set the mood for me and S. When I told them to check in my bedroom they started jumping up and down of joy because "their daddy was there". On the way to school my D asked me if people can get remarried and if I would remarry her dad. A mess.
H called later, happy as a clam (correct?)and we exchanged polite nothings. K
I read somewhere that ambiguity can become a chronic problem. I think I am there.
