And again--if NC--and I do all these great 180's which I understand intellectually, ast least, to be about ME and not about him--how do I ever show him that the reserved, holding back, not expressing feelings AV has changed? Without seeing how wonderful I am becoming, why would he ever think about leaving OW and re-trying with me?
YOU don't show him anything. It is something HE has to see on his own. There will be opportunities where he will see you, and that's when you have to have your "A" game.
Keep working on detachment. It doesn't happen overnight. But, it will come. Probably when you aren't even trying.
Hang with your family over Thanksgiving.
Now, I'm NOT a holy roller on the drinking thing. Trust me, I enjoyed it all the way up to the bomb. At that point, I made a commitment to stop. Some b/c I thought I was drinking too much and some b/c I knew I needed clarity right now to deal with this challenge. And, it has given me the focus I needed. Again, I'm not preaching - just something to think about.
