My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

Things are okay. I have to confess that it's exhausting continuing to live day-by-day, one step at a time. Every now and again I manage to "lift my eyes to the mountain" but mostly it's plodding along. I'm 18 months out from the bomb now; I thought I'd have it together a bit more than I do!

D13 continues to struggle with her feelings for her dad and the Wicked Witch of the Midwest (aka OW). She feels used and manipulated, as she periodically goes with him to the horse farm and has to do chores or babysit for OW's grandson. It's frustrating for her (and for me) that he is such an eager handyman, repairing things and mucking out stalls; one of the major issues in our marriage was that I was responsible for everything, including maintenance and repairs. He didn't like to break a sweat or get dirt under his fingernails. D13 hasn't had the use of our pool for the past 3 summers because it needs repairs, and I haven't had the funds to do it. But he "loves this stuff" of repairing things for OW.

D13 is also spending Thanksgiving with exH and OW--she's taken my place at the family gathering. D13 was supposed to go with them following that meal, to one at OW's mom's house. But she vehemently doesn't want to go, so I'm planning to pick her up from her aunt's house after the first meal. exH doesn't know it yet, and it will get ugly because he feels so entitled to have "all his family" together all day. But it's stressing out my daughter, and that's just stupid.

It must be psychologically damaging at some level, I fear, that she is forced to spend all this time, and is pressured to form relationships, with the woman she knows broke up her family. Fortunately she can vent to me, and sometimes I can step in and protect her. I don't always know in advance what's happening--exH certainly doesn't tell me (still won't really admit that there IS and OW, altho it's absurdly obvious to everyone by now!) and D doesn't always know in advance. So he can manipulate to some degree, by not informing D so she can't inform me. We've talked about it being okay to simply call me if she wants to leave someplace and I'll come and get her--hope she does it some day.