Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Hi TF,

It does wear on me. I feel like I do the same amount of work as when we were separated, but now I also have to deal with H and his moods, projection. Makes me mentally and emotionally tired..got to keep GALing.

Last night went well. We watched some TV- normally I'll hold his hand while we're watching, but I didn't. I said good night and didn't lean over to kiss him (like usual). He pulled me over to him...so I think the little bit of distancing I did worked.

I think the work for me in this part of his MLC is the hardest yet. I know I should have no expectations(and expect no help), listen really well and validate constantly, be upbeat-light and airy...ALL THE TIME!!!

If I even slip or have a bad day personally, H notices that and none of the good times/peace that preceded. He has a negative filter and that's what he focuses on...

TF about your question on clinginess..I don't think H ever was clingy or needy on the exterior, but I do think he has some of those feelings within.

He didn't feel any love growing up, especially from his dad..and I think he looks down on those feelings and won't really have the insight to see them within himself. I definitely had my clingy/needy period early in our relationship before marriage..but not that I notice too much since except the usual post-BOMB behavior that many of us fall into. Once he moved out (10 days later), that pretty much ended. Overall, I'm pretty independent day-to day.

I am aware that if H gives me something I want(affection), often I'll want a bit more-so maybe he or his therapist perceives that as clingy/needy..I'm working on it.. having no expectations.

D if you're reading...how about Holding,or Hon.. not HO???
LOL