I have to agree. If you are waiting for another woman (or your wife for that matter) to "bring" you happiness you are putting a terrible burden on that woman. You have to find your own happiness first. Sure, an intimate R, be it a marriage or other kind of R, can ENHANCE your life and make you happy but first you need to be happy with you or all R's you have in the future will fall victim to your expectations of someone "bringing" you happiness.
At some point you are going to have to make a choice to stop questioning every decision you make. If you make a good decision then learn from it. If you make a bad decision then learn from it. By making no decisions or wavering back and forth and living in a state of confusion you are learning nothing about yourself. We learn from the good decisions we make and we learn (usually more) from the not so good decisions we make. By planting yourself in the middle and not making *any* firm decisions for YOU and YOU alone you are learning nothing at all.
I have shared this with you before but I will share it again. When my anxiety started which eventually manifested into a full blown panic disorder I knew in my heart and logical mind something was not right. I spent hours pacing my apartment each day trying to catch my breath. I made the VERY BAD CHOICE of trying to keep it a secret. In turn, it became so bad I was afraid to leave my house and all that stress complicated my lupus. I was frightened and felt so locked in my own body. I knew I needed help but coping with my anxiety/panic the way I did (which was terribly unhealthy, dangerous to my health and very self destructive) did seem like a good solution at the time in my own deluded mind. I wasn't hiding things as well as I thought and wound up in the hospital. So, I made a bad choice that risked my health all because I was unsure what to do. I learned from it and getting help actually changed my life for the better.
So don't fear making the "bad" or "wrong" choice. If you do, you learn from it and that is how we gain wisdom in life.
You really do have to be okay on your own. My H told me last month he can't talk to his GF about me or how he feels about our separation because he is afraid of her reaction. Funny thing is he used to tell me the same thing. He couldn't talk to me about certain things because he was afraid of my reaction. At first I felt sad for him - how can you be with somebody in a very intimate R for nearly 2 years (his GF) and not be able to talk to her about such important things? The same patterns are repeating for him but only *he* can change that.
