Take care of yourself. Save the e-mail. Look at his responses to you yesterday and look at his actions. He is not serious about working on the marriage.
Why did the OW send it to you?
You need to reinforce your boundary and ask for complete transparency. Don't let him put it back on you. His choices have consequences. "if you do __________, then this is the consequence_________." All up to him, don't own his problems.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You need to reinforce your boundary and ask for complete transparency. Don't let him put it back on you. His choices have consequences. "if you do __________, then this is the consequence_________." All up to him, don't own his problems.
I wish I had understood this earlier. It is VERY IMPORTANT.
NOW is the time to learn how to set HEALTHY boundaries.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
She is doing it to play games. She is a young 22 yr old. Thought he'd leave his family and move overseas to be with her and she has been getting mad and probably figures that the best way is to rat him out to me.
He just said that he was here for the kids and doesn't want to work things out.
He also said that he is not with me and i need to get it through my head. Basically, he thinks it's okay to cakeeat. He thinks that by not wearing his ring it's that we r not together. I am baffled.
The name he made up was a joke on her it was coolgirlp22. She never wrote back. Instead she went offline and sent me the info.
What do I do? What's killing me the most is that he leaving to go overseas next week. I am crushed. I am alone here. No friends or family. Just me and my kids.
I don't know what to do.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
THA, Of course you are angry, you have been betrayed by your husband. Your normal, feel it and understand it's OK.
Now describe and list what feelings you feel -
I feel:______________ _______________ ________________ ________________
Why do you feel that way? Because______________ _____________________ ______________________ ____________________
Now state your boundary
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"I feel____________________,_____________ when you do _______________. If you continue to do______________. Then I will___________________."
"I feel disrespected, unloved and __________. When you communicate with, sleep with and talk to me about another woman. If you do it again, then I will pack your bags, put them in the garage and serve you with divorce papers."
This will help you in so many ways. He's already gone and this might be the bomb to wake him up. Do you see all the men here who are busting it afer a bomb?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
THA, Please listen to Coach. This is very important that you start boundary setting asap. The anger/hate you are feeling is very valid... you have been betrayed! But, what you need to do is acknowledge that anger, and use it to stand up for yourself by setting boundaries. Don't use it to lash out or seek revenge. That will only hurt you more in the long run. Use it to love yourself by deciding what you will NOT tolerate anymore and communicating clearly and calmly to your H what those boundaries are.
The OW in my sitch is 23, flakey, self centered and moody. I hear you, my friend.
My anger somedays overwhelms me. But, when that happens... I feel it, acknowledge it, vent it (if I am alone).. then I shake it off, release it and allow it to give me STRENGTH to continue to set and maintain boundaries with my H.
The OW words really tore a hole in me. It was hard and so painful to read.
He came home from the gym and I was in the shower and he just let himself in (unlocked the door with a pin). I was already done though. I walked out and left him there. Went into the kitchen and fixed myself a snack because i didn't cook. Only for my kids.
He tried to talk to me and asked me what the emails the OW said. I just remained calm and quiet. he kept saying that my not speaking to him isn't hurting him. And he also said "so this is how things are going to be?" he also said " so this is done then?" When he pressed further I told him that it's done and that I won't allow myself to continue fighting for someone who doesn't want me.
He then wanted to know what the OW said and I read him the emails and he just mumbled ridiculous.
I went into my room and he followed me and asked when we'd be putting the Xmas decorations up and If we could do it tomorrow. (he's leaving Tuesday). I told him yes and he just stood there. Like waiting for something. He then said goodnight and went to our media room. He then text me to ask if i wanted to join him and I said no thanks. Why is he asking me to watch movies?
Do I set boundaries even if he has already expressed that he doesn't want to work things out? He keeps saying we are not together. I know him leaving is going to drive me mad.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Do I set boundaries even if he has already expressed that he doesn't want to work things out?
Absolutely you do. In fact, that's probably when they are needed the MOST.
And please stop revealing your intel to him. You're under no obligation to read those e-mails to him, and it would be better off for him to NOT know what you know, or what you don't know.
