Why can't I just do it!?

[Trixi]

Yesterday I decided that I couldn't wait around anymore. I called him, no answer. He texted me much later and I missed it. I texted back, no response. Finally, just after 10pm he called.
He sounded warm. Asked what was up. I said that I had called to let him know that I give up. I quit. He was quiet and said "I don't blame you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry." I said I was sorry too. He asked how I was doing with my weight loss protocol "good job! keep it up. Is it getting easier?" Asked how my deals were coming. Asked if I had talked to my daughter and how she was. We talked about my SS. Asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I never asked about his life. After he stopped asking questions, we sat there in silence. Finally he said "You're sure quiet" and I said "yeah. Just sad."
Then he said "so, what exactly did you mean when you said you give up?" and I said "That you have your freedom. I am give up. I quit. I'm done. I need to move forward. I'm tired of waiting. I think we should get the ball rolling." Then he asked me if I still needed the money to buy the house from my landlord. (yes) He said he would call me after Thanksgiving.

We hung up and I cried til I couldn't hardly breathe. The ugly cry.

I know that this needed to be done and that I wasn't actually getting much from the "relationship", but somehow I never really thought it would come to this. I'm sure you can all relate. Now I just wish my 'anger muscle' would kick in and propel me forward.