STBX is returning today. My 2.5 weeks of child minding will be over. Both girls were very well behaved and all went smoothly. The stomach flu hit me again on Saturday...surprise, surprise but Sunday I was feeling better. I then pulled some muscles in my lower back lifting the turtles aquarium to empty the water so today I'm hobbling around. Naturally, a co-worker called in sick today so I have to cover his work which entails an extra 1.5 hours of walking! Hooray. I find it so hard to keep my mind from dwelling on anxiety provoking thoughts when I'm ill. I guess the best I can do is distract myself and do things when I have the energy. I did grocery shopping on Saturday afternoon and went to a short church service in the evening. Sunday I went to church in the morning, drove daughter to gymnastics and then rested for the afternoon and evening. All went well with the cognitive therapist and she thinks we can turn this around in 6-8 sessions. First session was basically me telling my story and tossing ideas around. Therapist says I've had a lot of trauma in my life and believes that some of the helpless feelings I'm experiencing now have been ignited from childhood experiences where I felt no control e.g. father's breakdown and hospitalization and my own anxiety attack shortly afterwards as a teenager. Works for me! When I'm worn down it's hard to fight that fear of falling apart. She suggested a book for me to read by Henry Cloud "Choices That Heal", which I've ordered. So, we'll see how it goes. I have to stay positive and recognize that this is a passing thing, it will be dealt with and I will be myself again soon. I must be patient. She also mentioned I may want to look at how I allowed myself to be victimized by STBX for so many years in order to prevent this from happening in the next R. Sounds good to me! Anyway, I'm still taking the AD's and it's been two weeks. No adverse reactions I'm aware of but it's a minute dose (Lexapro 5 mg.(that's the US name, I can't remember the Canadian name off hand) a therapeutic dose is 10 mg. I read somewhere that 5 mg. can often be enough for certain anxieties. I hate taking these things but after five months of this, it's time to do something different (that's so DB of me, isn't it!) So again, we'll have to see where this leads. Later Dbers.
