Wow! I've been detaching for a couple of months now and have not discussed our R in 3 months. This weekend W and I had an arguement and then she started in all the stresses she's been having: work has been difficult, problems with plumbing at her new place, difficulties with the Thanksgiving dinner she's planning.... and then, (this took me by surprise), she blurted out that "I'm almost 40 and now I have to look for a new husband".
Then she angrily accused me of the few things that made her leave me, like not paying attention to her, not wanting her sexually, taking her for granted. She had bottled up all her anger and I realize that she's still very angry. She started crying loudly as she continued her accusations.
I acknowledged her feelings and even went so far as to say that I wish I had known what I know now--that I did take her for granted. Then I started to compliment her regarding what a wonderful wife and mother she was and how she made our house a home. I continued that I wanted her to be happy and pray for her well-being.
With my reply, was I pursuing? Did I handle this correctly? I am so confused with what's going on in her mind and where this is all leading to. The fact that she hasn't filed for D after 4 months and that she still has deep resentment has made me realize that, it seems, this will take a long time to play out. The advice here is so true: patience, don't believe anything she says and half of what she does.
Just when I was started to think a little more clearly, her confusion has brought back my confusion.
