I posted another phrase on fear on this thread, that goes something like this:
"When you operate in fear, you are not operating in faith." Staying on message was essential for me, and for you K4, it is vital.
You get derailed often and don't seem to listen to the big advice. But I know others read this thread. Your life will improve a lot, when you change from within and learn to be a happier person, with or without your w. No one here can get you there. It's ALL up to you. To me, the only time you've sounded happy & upbeat in this past year, was when you discussed the new woman. So figure this question out-- Leaving judgements aside, do you believe down deep, that that the only realistic way for you to detach from your w and begin moving on, is to have some other woman in your life? Right or wrong, I don't see you finding another way to move on-- b/c you have not done so in almost a year here, and your thread gets the number of posts that 4 men do.
You would not be the first person to be unable to detach or move on, without a replacement. Most WAS's have OP in their lives for this very reason; they're Not happily married and yet they don't choose to leave or file for divorce=== until they have OP...Though LBSers will say "the WAS should have filed for divorce first, and THEN dated, not cheated!!..." the reality is that the WASs don't often do that first, (without someone in mind at least). For many LBSers and moving on, it's the same.
When you have an honest answer to this question, ask yourself one other question--are you willing to do what is needed to be a happy man? Answer these and then follow the logical implications. If you choose to date other women, then just be honest with them. If you want to date but you feel it's wrong, then either learn to do what we've said this past year and GAL and detach...or date and GAL, but for God's sake, choose.
You're blocking the whole concept of Detachment, and the only reason I can see for that is that you need some ow in your life b/c otherwise it's just too hard and frightening for you. That's not a judgement, just an observation over the past year. Hence my quote on "fear and faith" above, which I have told you many times but...anyway...
You're on the fence about life, and that's why you have polled so many people about everything, especially dating this "super hot" woman OR using it as a tactic to get your wife jealous OR a way for you to be happier and move on...you ask tons of questions about every choice and want "step by step" advice in how to handle your w, and darn it, you are just sooo confused. Get off the fence. Make a choice and just live with it. You might be wrong but making no choices or changing the choices you make, is a lot like staying stuck, and it seems to me that being stuck is pretty much going to be the wrong choice. Sure hasn't worked yet, has it? You can't live, or love without risk. Just use your head as much as possible (Not losing your temper) for where the head goes, the heart will follow. Don't keep looking back. Once you learn a lesson from some negative experience or mistake, drop it and leave the past in the past. Create something with your remaining time on earth. You have done too much "waiting for it to happen".
