This is a very tough call. If it were me, and there were either no children involved, or the children wouldn't be greatly affected by any financial fallout (say I had my own, well-paying job), then I would probably expose to the employer.
If the family -- including the kids -- WOULD be affected (I'm talking to the point of needs not being met, not "Christmas will have to be a little smaller this year, kids"), then I probably wouldn't expose unless the affair itself was also threatening my family's finances (as in $$$ disappearing from accounts, or joint debt being racked up).
There's also the option of THREATENING to expose @ work, even tho you may not be willing to follow thru on it. But I generally don't like to bluff something unless I'm willing to do it.
From where I sit, this one's 50/50, but as my "tiebreaker" I would use how effectively you are DBing. You're doing VERY well at this, your husband seems to be responsive to it, so I would probably hold off the exposure at the workplace.
Is there anyone else to whom it would make sense to expose the affair, other than the employer, that might bring some pressure to bear? What do your two older children know?
