WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[sandi2]

It is confusing when you have more than one thread going. Would be helpful if you decided which one you wanted to keep. We pretty much scan all the forums, so it will be found.

Should I reach out if and when she gets out or keep up the no contact, or limited contact and only keep it to the kids, money etc. I truly don’t know how I should handle this, I still love her and I would work on the M if she was willing.

It is unfortunate about your W, but let her family deal with it since you were not invited in on the sessions. Whenever there is a S, that is usually how it is seen by the W's family (in many cases).

You may get different opinions on reaching out to her when she gets out of the hospital, but IMHO I think you should wait for her to contact you and see what she has to say. You must be careful and take it very slowly.

I hope you will understand what I am about to say. We are not to take suiside lightly, however, I get suspicious whenever you say that "several" notes were left at the office. That means she wanted somebody to find them. Red flags immediately go up to me b/c it sounds as if she is using that as a gimmick to either get your sympathy and for you to start kissing her a$$.........or she is trying to get her mother, sister, etc. attention so they won't be so hard on her. Do you see what I mean? This would not be the first time this sort of thing has been done.

So remain strong in spite of her being in the hospital. I would suggest that you do not send flowers b/c if this is a gimmick to "work" you or her family in her favor, then she must see that it is not the correct work she needs to be doing. Has she ever done this sort of drama before? People who stoop to this type of drama has to realize it doesn't work to get their way. If it is legit then let her doctor take care of it. After all, she should be too upset to see you now anyway.......right?

Yes, I know you still love her and what I suggest may sound cold hearted to you, but I'm not a cold hearted person. I have been around long enough to see many other couples like you. I have seen men just like you. My H being one of them. I have seen women like your W (even though I've not gotten a full picture of her yet). I bet you are a good man. Do you consider yourself as a "good guy"?

I don't think it would hurt to call your MIL to see how your W is doing. She will tell your W that you called, but it won't be the same as calling your W. When you talk to your MIL, don't get bogged down in talking about the MR with her. Just ask her if she can share what the doctor's prognosis is about your W. If MIL can't, then tell her to let you know if anything changes. Be warm but don't get into long conversations. Remember that she will probably quote you word for word when she sees your W. Don't tell your MIL how much you love your wife and get all emotional, but if MIL comes out and asks you how you feel, then you can tell her that you do not want a D and still want to work on the M. That is all that necessary. You can rest assured that she'll tell your W what you said.

Again, I can't stress enough how important it is for you to show strength at this time. I know it's hard. If the doctor should think you need to go see your W, then do that, but continue to show a calm spirit of strength & honor.

There is one thing to consider. Her suicide notes may not have anything to do with the condition of her MR. Whenever a person threatens suicide it is b/c they have their minds on themselves and their problems, desires, etc. They aren't thinking about their children, parents, spouse's best interest. It could be that the OM was not doing what she wanted and this was her ploy to get "his" attention. Be careful.