Hey K.. I'm sorry I missed your nameday !! I'm so glad yuor H was sweet and made a BIG effort (for him hey) to go get you something beautiful and had the foresight and planning to take a gf to help get exactly the right thing. Wow hey? I'm sorry I missed it anyway..
As for this.. "I should have acted differently and maybe gotten some insight from him. Instead I was upset and defensive and ruined the convo I started."
I know exactly what you mean. Me and bf dont really talk so much now but back when we did, I had to try very hard to just take the answers as they were revealed and remain "poker faced" whilst he answered instead of reacting at the time. I would pinch my own hand whilst he talked sometimes, to just stop me crying or reacting. I also left LOTS of space.. just waited, paused, did "hmm huh..?" noises, or nodded, or asked very open questions. Its not the end of the world, why not try again? It sounds like he was hitting a nerve a little, for you to get defensive. Imagine how he feels when you bring up akward things about him and her! Its easy to see how they can do all they can to avoid talking about the past.
Also, how interesting, he was assuming that YOU didnt want him to go near you yet, after what he had done, so was surprised to hear you were ready. Not that he doesnt fancy you?
Makes me think K that whenever you make assumptions about your H, its often not as bad as you fear?
Also, seeing as he affects you so much and you did get so upset, you must still have strong feelings for him, so dating others doesnt seem a good idea right now??
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Sweets, I couldnt even read my own post so I am not surprised you didnt understand.
I told him "I am ready now to enjoy sex as I was never before. That I feel good about my body etc etc" NOT in relation to him. I told him I see he doesnt fancy me and he didnt deny that. So, he never assumed I didnt want him. He said nothing. So, that part is to be discussed.
No, Ali, unfortunately, whenever I amke assumptions, I am usually right.
Lotus, I know what you mean. But whenever I drop an issue, he drops it. He never tries to pursue a dicsussion to get things settles/clarified or whatever... K
I was about to ask you, other than the lack of intimacy what are the other issues? Then i remembered, did you not make a list for him of some sort? Is that one of the "issues" that he dropped and you decided not to pursue?
Give him a choice.. making love or a Rolex. If you get the Rolex think of naughty ways to entice him with it. Worst case it starts a conversation that leads to laughter. Because that's what being together is all about.. sharing what is good.
Take a step out of the emotional fray and look at the big picture. Go from there, my dear friend.
