Another waw/mlc and I need support

[Punktmann]

Cy, you have a really good handle on this. Wish I had at the stage you're at.

Is she MLC or WAW? Does it matter? I thought it did in my sitch, but turns out that it don't.

About the kids / sitter w the W.

She said last night she would watch the kids tomorrow while I went out and today on the phone she said that she would only watch them if I couldn't get a "good" sitter. I told her not to worry about it. I will arrange for a sitter. She's still running. So much for spending time alone with the kids with me not around!

From experience now, I ALWAYS arrange for a friend to watch my boys b4 I call her and ask if she wants to keep them that night. Every time you don't, you give her veto power over your plans, and guess what, an MLCer will veto at the last minute EVERY time.

They want to have their cake and eat it too, or more specifically, she want's to have a single life, and have you to fall back on. You having a life outside of stay at home pineing for her, doesn't really fit in too well with her MLC life.

I'm not trying to be mean about this, but take it from experience, that is EXACTLY what you are experiencing here.

I really don't think that they even know that is what they are doing, but it doesn't matter, cause all the intricate deceptions that go on in their heads are still going on.

I also though the thanksgiving request sounded a bit fishy

Again, from experience, my x tried to make me leave and take my boys to my parent's on Christmas during the D. When I decided to keep the kids home for Christmas, you'd have thought I launched nukes on Russia! It's not about you or her or the kids, it's about being defied on their plans.

I don't often say do this or do that, mostly cause we view each other's world through a looking glass darkly, but on this, I will unequivocally say that you should tell her that she can have the kids for Thanksgiving, but that you'll be staying home, and enjoying the holiday at home alone. If she wants to have them for a private celebration, then she can take them to her apartment or wherever she stays then she is "divorcing" herself from the family / reality. If that's an unsuitable place in her mind, then, Hello, welcome to the world you are making.

It's not up to you to make her MLC easier on her, I did that a lot, and I regret every second of it. When I finally stopped, you wouldn't believe the Godzilla I awoke.
I'm totally not suggesting that you poke that Godzilla with a stick, (if you do, get a looooong stick, ) just that acquiescence, apart from your normal life, to the MLCer only furthers her illusion that this behavior is fine, that things will be easy, that the kids will be fine. etc. All that BS.

Just one guy who's story reads like yours word for word, Nope. I'm not leaving. If you have some plans that don't include me, then do them at your apartment or your Mom's place, wherever, but I'm here and I'm stayin here, at my home. I'm gonna go for a run, then watch the Packers, then make dinner, then enjoy it, and then watch the Raiders stomp the Cowboys.

I'm hardly suggesting that you get in her face and have a confrontation, DBing principles apply here, but you can do this in a DBing way, by couching your refusal to leave in terms that are non-confrontational, like "About Thanksgiving, I'm not traveling this holiday, I'll be staying home. You and the kids are welcome to join me, but if not, I hope that you have a good holiday together."


And on that note, I'll throw this out there too. My X wanted the D, I didn't, blah blah blah. When she filed she refused to leave for the next 6 months, I left the marital bed for a spare room to be a gentleman. Is that important? Hmm, not sure, but I'll say this, it made me feel like it was my fault, it made my kids think that it was my fault, it encouraged her in the idea that she made the rules according to her MLC.

I wouldn't do it that way again.



Best,

Punkt.