Changing Man

[Gardener]

Journaling,
Well, my much-needed veg-out day was great in spite (because?) of hilarious start to it all, detailed above.

Two thoughts stand out in an otherwise perfectly-executed nothing day.

1) 17 years ago, we wrote our own vows. They started with a preamble of sorts that included, "those of us who are closest to G and W know that they have already married in the deepest sense, for they have entered into a covenent of companionship. Today they publicly avow that covenant; today we publicly celebrate it." Like many, we were deeply married long before the ceremony that June day.

So, I guess these last few weeks of detaching more, caring less, practicing and living The Four Agreements, etc. have been a time of my inward self (finally) acknowledging that "we have already divorced in the deepest sense." and on a Day in December we will simply publicly acknowledge it.

And this:
2)

Stepson is not calling me back. As I've journaled before, while in Chicago, I butted in and told STBXW that my S is kinda hurt that after 17 yrs. Stepson/StepMother, she's hanging with StepSon's WAS, lunching, meeting, etc. yet never once called him to see how he's doing. I presented this briefly and gingerly (almost - almost- nervously since when I speak, STBXW hears Demon Talk.) STBXW said at mediator's last week that it came out snotty and curt & stepson felt the same and is angry at me? WTF? Left him VM saying, "I understand you've taken issue with a brief, rather benign exchange Mom & I had in Chicago, Call me. Let's talk." No reply in 5 days.

is now 10 days. Actually it is longer more since I had l left him a message asking him to stop by and help me move a piece of furniture a few days before STBXW even gave me this "report".

I've commented "great photo" and one other quick comment on his FB wall, that ended with "how are you?" Nothing.

So I am comfortable for now in not pursuing further. He has basically 4 messages from me. And he will re-establish contact when he's ready, which I hope is not much longer.

The Four Agreements:
I was impeccable with my words - I think - in the succinct, sincere message I left him.
I'm not taking it personally since I have no idea what it is (aside from one of his mother's usually less-than-truthful reports)
I'm not making any assumptions. Even the fact that we seemed to have a typically fun day that day and he asked to come along when StepD's partner drove me to the train (with typical, big hug & ILY) is an observation, not an assumption.
Always do your best Trying. Trying.

Well off to bed. House is being shown @ 10:00 and I don't need a repeat of today's showing!