He wants to come home....HELP!

[praying_in_GA]

Its kinda funny. I finally feel like I have a grasp on DR and he throws the curveball by asking to move home. Now I am all confuddled!! LOL!

It would be nice to have him in the house for Thanskgiving. He is totally fine and would prefer to move to the spare room for now.

GAH!!

[maple]

It wasn't until I was willing to let him go that he came back

Just reading your sitch and I hear you on this... I am trying to work up to this point.

I am routing for you and I have some of the same questions as you do.

[praying_in_GA]

Thanks Maple! I am still praying many times a day. I love him and I want this to work but I am stil so scared.

[Lll54]

Wow, PIGA! Haven't been on a lot, but read up on your progress, and its awesome!!!! Yay for you! Take it one minute at a time. Take the advice of all the pros on here.

As for the ring, in my opinion definitely let him make the decision to wear it again on his own. He left and took his ring off, you dealt with it. Now deal with him not wearing it till he's ready. Be happy with the sitch and take it as it is. As for your ring, I would wait till he starts wearing his again. I think it might look too needy if you put yours on.

Praying for you!

[praying_in_GA]

Thanks Britt! I agree about the ring. It might seem 'pushy' if I put mine back on so fast. I don't want him to feel like I am crowding in now.

[Coach]

Thanks Britt! I agree about the ring. It might seem 'pushy' if I put mine back on so fast. I don't want him to feel like I am crowding in now.

Why did you put a wedding ring on in the first place? If he is moving home then aren't you two trying to work/save and heal your marriage? If you can't decide on what to do about wearing wedding rings then your better find a great MC to teach you two how to communicate. To reconcile you two need to be all in.

[praying_in_GA]

Thanks Britt! I agree about the ring. It might seem 'pushy' if I put mine back on so fast. I don't want him to feel like I am crowding in now.

Why did you put a wedding ring on in the first place? If he is moving home then aren't you two trying to work/save and heal your marriage? If you can't decide on what to do about wearing wedding rings then your better find a great MC to teach you two how to communicate. To reconcile you two need to be all in.

Like I said earlier, I am very lost right now. I have set myself up to work the DR principles and now he wants to come back. I don't know which way to go. Should I be loving, attentive, affectionate, etc or do I continue to give off the appearance that I am okay and 'done'? The latter is what I have been doing before he came back. I removed my ring the day after he informed he that he removed his. It felt silly wearing it and saying I was committed when he so obviously wasn't. So, in the situation now where he is willing to work on things and wants to come home, is it okay to say 'we both need to wear our rings again if we are truly working on our marriage.'

Oh, and is it okay if he comes home now? I would love to have him home for the holidays. Plus it would be so much easier to work on our M with him here. He lives 45 min away right now so time together is scarce.

[Coach]

Did you two ever have a dialouge about how to make your M better? If you are not sure about letting him home why do it? The holidays are not a good enough reason to let him home. What work do you need him to do? What does he expect from you?
Have your boundaries been clearly explained? Have any of the issues been resolved?

You can't be walking on eggshells now. If you are then you are not ready for this. Think thru this, understand your feelings, articulate your issues and concerns, and be honest.

[Gardener]

Praying,

Gardner- that is very true. I would be over the moon if he came home with it on again. I am a little worried about putting mine back on. I don't want to give him the wrong impression. I don't know how to explain it. I am trying to give off the appearance of wanting it to work but not really needing it either way.

Sounds to me, then, that you're not quite ready to put yours back on, either.

[praying_in_GA]

Coach,
Yes, we did have that discussion a couple of times this weekend. I expressed my concerns with him coming back so soon and he expressed his concerns with being so far away. (His sisters house is 45 min from my house) He wants to try to make this work. He is worried that I will get tired of waiting on him to say 'I love you' and I will choose to leave this time. He has been initiating affection when I see him and said he was very happy spending the weekend here while I worked. He said he was very un-happy at his sisters and he realized just how much he stood to lose by leaving.

I feel ready to have him home. I think it would be hard to start working on our issues from 45 min away with very little time together. I want him here. I want to be a family again. I feel very confident that I have a good handle on my emotions. I am ready to stat piecing. My only concern is him allowing himself to over-analyze everything and over think this. He is not relaxing and just living, he always has something on his mind.