D has known since day after filing, she said mom walked away from Skype where she was talking to the 18yr old friend i had mentioned in an earlier post and wife didn't delete the im's.
She's kept it to herself, that she knew wife had filed. D even knew about the court date a couple of wks ago. Dang IT!!!
I wouldn't have known but saw her xmas list laying out and asked why she wanted to redo the basement where all my autographs were and she said dad, I know what's going on and it's sad to see that stuff on the wall.
Wife said "said I don't know, I don't want to talk about it." When D asked her about it. Wife hasn't talked to her about it since then.
D wants to talk to wife about going back to a counselor. I've told D about part of the situation her mom's going thru, and said until mom gets thru this, we need to have faith, hope and love.
I told D there isn't going to be an aha moment in any of this, that i need to be strong for her and S.
We know teens, she's going to say something to mom.
D knows I'm on this site now, she's known I was reading DB books, cause snoop found them and I told her I had found people who are trying to help the 3 of us, there isn't anything we can do for mom until she herself or someone talks her thru what she feeling.
If I had any idea, I would've gotten the kids into cnslg sooner, as it is on Thursday I had asked atty about cnslg for kids and she said after the holidays, but my side had no idea D knew what was going on.
So of course now D is picking sides and this might explain why wife is telling me D is lying to her all the time and playing us both, too funny, didn't i email that oh i don't know back in September. Funny I say it she doubts it, she says it, it's true. But I'm telling you wifes' attitude towards kids sux.
Ok my wife has lost it, I read the convo on Skype I quote:
"He is sh****g, he's wierd, I'm getting the house though, she has told the neighborhood she's filed. said the kids don't want to see me, don't ask about me or care about me.
I copied the convo and emailed it to the attorney.
She is looking for people to support her side of the story. Basically trying to rip you down so she looks good. It is common action and one you have just been notified of. You keep working on yourself, stay strong, be confident, and show no weakness or hostility....people will see that and start questioning her story. My wife still doesn't like me to be around her friends at all....when they meet me, her story and situation get harder to understand.
Keep your chin up and don't play in that mud with her...you are better than that.
guys i backslid yesterday,let the emotions get the best of me.
d had texted mom, the friend had called wife, all hell broke loose.
wife called me, i defended myself in some areas, stepped on a couple land mines. she stated again she is divorcing me.
i did text her, i know d texted her to go back to a cnslr,etc.
my text,"we all love you,we just want you to see someone to help you.just like if roles were reversed WE know how good ou are and this is a gift wife and you saw it coming in june,july and august you told me enough to protect all of us.
Which is true in July she said to me, listen you've got to focus on you and the kids, something is going on with me.
yesterday in her tirade she said quit focusing on her, said i'm not and she said good. also know i said to wife we do have a lot in common,we're not incompatable,but i don't need you, want you, but don't need you.
i don't know if a mlc'er actually remembers a convo or not, i know when their angry all kind of venom comes out, so who knows, Do You?
I did make mistakes yesterday, big one asking that friend to pray for wife.
only control myself, but i need to control my mouth, everyone is used to me wearing my emotions on my sleeves, so what i used to say would've been nothing, now it's everything.
And with her friend it wasn't a vent, didn't say one bad thing about wife. BUT I REALIZE NOW AS I SHOULD'VE BATTLE LINES HAVE BEEN DRAWN AND ANYONE THAT WAS A MUTUAL FRIEND, REALLY ISN'T MY FRIEND RIGHT NOW.
S'ok! Welcome to the human race. This, like life, isn't about perfection, it's about trying and NEVER quitting.
Quote:
BUT I REALIZE NOW AS I SHOULD'VE BATTLE LINES HAVE BEEN DRAWN AND ANYONE THAT WAS A MUTUAL FRIEND, REALLY ISN'T MY FRIEND RIGHT NOW.
You still have friends man, you have your fambly, you have your previous friends, and you have this place.
Yeah, mutual friends are a minefield, sucks like taxes, but it is what it is. Leave it be though, you've no idea what they've heard, or who they sympathize with. That'll sort itself out later, and there's nothing you can do to help make up anyone's mind.
IMHO talking to her friends, or god forbid, her fambly, is a disaster. Besides distancing you from possible later friends, you are sure to drive her further away by making her feel pressure when she hears about the convo, which she will.
Quote:
i don't know if a mlc'er actually remembers a convo or not,
Doesn't matter, if they did, they'd re-write history to make it fit their goals and make you a bad person.
Really, it doesn't matter. unless you HAVE to be RIGHT. Do you want to be right or save your marriage?
Focus on you. Take care of your kids. Leave her alone and let her sort her Stuff out. Any attempt at helping her or convo-ing about it is pressure and drives her further away.
I'll pray for her man.
Best, Punkt
These are my friends now!
But someday baby... You ain't worry my life anymore
Take away, take away what I don't need, save the good part please. Fade away, fade away.
yeah she heard from friend and D at the same darn time, called me went off. Which she had every right to. Man she is so hard headed about divorcing me.
text to her wasn't last ditch or nothing,just hoping she might go see someone to work through her issues and praying things get better.
You got caught up in the moment....you have to work hard at reducing that. I do agree with your wife though, as much as you think you are focused on yourself....I don't really see it yet. You have made some positive steps and with time you will make all the necessary ones....keep your chin up.
Now is the time for the 2X4...stop talking about the situation with her family, her friends, her neighbors, even your kids. We have told you time and time again that it will come back to bite you. This weekend it bit you. If you have one good guy friend who isn't a mutual friend with your wife...confide in him. Everybody else gets the "I would rather not talk about this"...and that includes the kids. It is ok to listen to their thoughts on the matter, but you have to listen and not insert your own opinion.
Friends don't make battle lines, divorcing spouses create them. If you keep your mouth shut and don't mention the situation it works 100% for you. They don't report to her that you are talking about her and focused on the situation. They report that "Ayk didn't mention it at all and we talked about all kinds of different stuff, boy he is in a pretty good place". The choice is yours to make.
Next 2X4...stop telling her she needs help and a counselor...completely unproductive and damaging. Until she decides that she has a problem and seeks help.....every time you mention it only makes matters worse. That includes mentioning it to the children. Much like AA, the first step is an individual accepting there is a problem. Until then, anybody (not just you...anybody) mentioning that she should see a counselor is being hostile from her perspective.
