Is Leaving the marital home REALLY so bad?

[4luv]

I believe that Puppy has posted before that one of the biggest mistakes when DBing is leaving the marital home or master bed. I want to know why this is sooo bad? In my situation, it seems as though my hubby is able to really think clearly and evaluate his actions when he doesn't have me around. when i am in the house we could avoid each other but it is a constant stress on him and all he can think is that i need to get rid of this pressure. so I am thinking that i should go stay with my parents for awhile (about 2 to 3 months). at least it would give him the space he needs to sort out his true feelings. Any thoughts...(especially Puppy)

[DownNotOut...yet]

You're kidding right? Go back and read what you are writing. It sounds like you are already succumbing to the gaslighting that comes with this crap.

If he thinks more clearly with you not around, then let HIM leave. You won't be around but you get to stay in the house. If you leave, you are just placating and enabling.

The biggest mistake people make when DB'ing...and I made it too is they start feeding into the walk away spouses craziness. Agreeing with whatever they want. Boundries. If he needs to sort out his feelings away from you, then HE needs to own up to that and go do it.

Unless you are being abused, do not leave your house/bed/any other symbolic base of power

[4luv]

let me clarify...i was trying to point out that i am thinking about leaving so that the real reality of his decisions will be clear...basically, sometimes the person that wants the divorce because of feeling alot of pressure and believing that the marriage is the cause of all the pressure may need a wake up call. i left for a month before and my hubby's brother who is staying with us told me that hubby was miserable and checking my facebook page everyday, hubby called to talk to me everyday, and realized that i was gone yet he was still unhappy. it just feels like its sooo much tension and pressure in the house that maybe the whole situation and relaationship could use a break. in short, what if i became the WAS?

[givingitmyall]

4luv,

There are few things that seem to have near unanimous agreement here, and not moving out is one of them. DO NOT move out, unless you have had enough and are truly ready to D him. You should not move out as a ploy to try to get him back.

it just feels like its sooo much tension and pressure in the house that maybe the whole situation and relaationship could use a break. in short, what if i became the WAS?

Tension and pressure on....YOU, not him. He seems to be doing well. And who controls how you think and feel?

As far as becoming the WAS, I don't think you can flip a switch and become that. Now, if you have really thought it through (and in all honety, it doesn't sound like you have) and you are operating on logic as opposed to feelings/emotion, and you are truly done, then I doubt anyone here would have any problem supporting your decision. But, just like with the moving out, if you are thinking of becoming the WAS to try to get H back, you are playing with fire. You should not make a threat (I'm done) unless you are absolutely committed to following through. And I don't think you can be committed to following through if you are doing it to try to get H back.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

4luv,

I posted on the other thread where you put this same question out there:

NO WAY DO YOU LEAVE. If he wants "space," then HE should be the one to leave.

Puppy

[CABBR]

Even if you are DONE, DO NOT LEAVE THE MARITAL HOME.

His inability to think clearly while you're around?
Not your problem.

My W actually suggested in counseling that if I wanted her back that I should move out and give her the space she needs, which was completely disingenuous. She was only trying to bolster her position on custody. I literally burst out laughing.

CABBR